Compassionate. Loyal. Loving. Energetic. Good spirited. Funny. Forgiving. Social. These are all qualities that I possess and that I love. I am also proud, stubborn, sensitive, impatient, and sometimes even nasty.
It’s tough balancing all of these parts. I’m trying to be the best version of myself and sometimes it’s painful.
That’s because this continuous process of personal development has pushed me outside of my comfort zone. I have let down my guard, become more vulnerable than I ever imagined, lessened my sense of pride, remained steadfast when coping with personal obstacles, and have apologized to those I’ve let down even when they’ve also let me down yet refuse to rebuild.
So it is painful. Being the best version of myself is painful. It tests me. My ego rears its ugly head and pushes back, and so I can’t always be the pure, loving soul that I am.
This is the challenge that I face, this is the challenge that we all face when trying to do better, be better. Breaking old patterns and defense mechanisms doesn’t make it easy, but trust me when I say that it is worth it. Even when I’m uncomfortable, even when I’m unsure of why I feel the way I feel and do the things that I do, taking the time to reflect even when I’m hurting emotionally, is worth it. Because in all that guck and pain I feel myself growing into a better version of myself.