To most people, I am a bundle of positive energy. That is a great description of me. I am indeed a feisty spark plug who has much to say and does so with passion, humor, and joy. But there is another side of me that many do not see. A darker side. A somber side. A side that is only revealed when I am truly comfortable with the recipient.
A common thread that ties all of these sides is loneliness. Sometimes, among all the friends, family, and readers who follow me on LoveSujeiry.com and beyond, I feel lonely. A social butterfly feels lonely? How is that possible?
It just is.
I know why I feel this way. I know why I sometimes lie in bed, close to tears, and wonder if the people in my life really love me. I know they do love me. They just don’t love me the way I need them to…with consistency, reliability, and great effort. I take great pride in being there for those I love and making time for the people in my life. Yet I don’t feel I receive the same treatment from many of my loved ones. I understand life evolves and so, as individuals, we must also. Friends become parents. Family moves away. Relationships fade. It is part of life, or so they say. But I can’t help but feel unimportant and left behind.
I don’t know if I’ve ever expressed my needs. I think I have. I hope I have. But, ultimately, people love us the best way they know how. Now I just have to accept it.
So where does this leave this feisty spark plug? Conflicted and longing to start anew. My only hope is that I can one day shake this constant state of loneliness.