There I was – exposed and super hairy. I stared at the bright white ceiling above and braced myself for the Lady in Blue. She walked in quickly and abruptly. “Cover me!” I yelled. Sujeiry ignored me and instead made small talk. Said something about painless wax and how she and I have a low threshold for pain. Lady in Blue nodded.
“It won’t hurt,” she spat out.
“It always hurts,” Sujeiry responded. I clenched in terror.
Without warning, Lady in Blue, who could very well be the Grim Reaper for Pepas, slathered me with seagreen hot wax.
“Help me!” My pelitos yelled.
I looked over at them, defeated. I couldn’t do a damn thing to stop the abuse. Lady in Blue ripped pieces off without blinking or any concern for Sujeiry’s screams.
“Fuck! Fuck you! I hate you!” Sujeiry hollered.
“Oh, the pain! The pain of this bikini wax!” I added in agony.
Five minutes felt like 30, and it was over. After a quick pat and coating me with white talcum powder, Lady in Blue stormed out. There I was – exposed, hairless, as white as a ghost’s pepa and swollen. I stared at the bright white ceiling and whispered, “How I wish I were a pene…”
Now, here I am – twenty four hours after the wax job and still sore. This can happen to you! So, to save another pepa from this torture, here are some things to note before undergoing a Brazilian and all other pepa waxing procedures.
- Do they double dip? Double dipping can cause herpes!
- Is your wax lady using gloves?
- If the front desk/spa manager offers you a shot of vodka before the wax job, you know you’re going to be in pain.
- Make sure to ask for soothing lotion after your wax since, apparently, some places rather not soothe your flaming pepa.
- Check out reviews on Yelp before you expose your pepa to a Lady in Blue.