I try to be as supportive as I can to other women. But it isn’t always easy. Though I preach self-love, self-worth and The Power of Self-First, which is all about female empowerment and confidence, I sometimes find myself perusing my Instagram feed and thinking:
Why did she get to do that? Why didn’t I get that opportunity? Why is she so special?
It’s an ugly thing to say out loud, but I think it’s important to come clean.
I compare myself to other women.
Whether it’s their looks (she has great boobs and I don’t!) or glamorous lives (look at her rocking Channel…ugh!), I compare my life to others. I remember watching a friend flirt with a man at a bar in the Meatpacking District and wishing I flirted just like her. I didn’t want him; I wanted the attention that she receives from men. I’m a beautiful, fun woman but she’s often deemed classy and sophisticated. I wanted to be just like her. Because, at some point in my life, I convinced myself that I wasn’t that kind of girl, that I didn’t have it in me to acquire the finer things in life. That’s why I date men who rarely buy me flowers, take me on expensive dates, or trips.
She does. She always does.
I’ve dated men that only give me what is expected. They don’t go above and beyond.
It’s a terrible feeling, feeling that you are not enough. This has nothing to do with the women in our lives. We are simply projecting. It has everything to do with self-worth and self-love. It’s also why I – we – compare ourselves to others. Why we want to have a life that is different – like hers or hers – and why we try to change and become someone that we are not.
What I am learning is this: I can be sexy, smart and classy, just like I can be funny, sassy and urban. I am emotional and sensitive. Kind. Good. Loyal. I am hard working. Passionate. My life may not be as glamourous as I’d like it to be. I may not have her life or hers, but I am learning to be grateful for the blessings that have come along, even if I don’t flirt just like my friend. Or if I don’t get a specific gig.
What suits us will come. That’s the lesson here. We should stop comparing ourselves to other women because what they have may not be what fulfills. What other women bestow may not be what we need or desire at all. The life that she leads may not be enough for her or you. She is probably comparing herself to you and other women as well. She may not think she has it all or that she is enough.
Let’s stop comparing. Let’s congratulate our sisters, hermanas, comadres, homegirls, and colleagues on a life well lived. Because who she is and where she is in life has nothing to do with you.