Being a single mom isn’t easy and whoever tells you otherwise is lying. You are balancing two schedules and two lives, and are often carrying the financial burden of two parents all by yourself.
Although being a single mom means double-duty, you don’ have to live solely for your child and forget about “me” time. I’ve witnessed mother’s lose themselves, forget how to be sexy, and give up their identity for carpools, soccer games, school functions, doctor appointments, and everything else kid-adjacent. I’m guilty of this, but after 12-years I’m finally starting to get it. I’ve learned that it’s ok to give my time and attention to something other than kiddie parties and homework. Taking time for myself is important for my own sanity.
Don’t know how to be supermom and still be an individual? Need time off but feel lost with just the thought? Single momma, I have some advice for you.
Don’t be so hard on yourself.
So you’re a single mom. Oh well, get over it. You haven’t committed a crime and you don’t need to punish yourself. Don’t stress yourself out trying to overcompensate just because you’re a single-parent household. (Guilty: Part of 1!) I thought my son was missing out because he didn’t have two parents present. So I made sure to got to every school function. I was a Team Mom, a Class Mom and didn’t miss a field trip. I took him to every kid party even if it meant going to bed at 3am to complete my workload just so I didn’t miss a beat of his life. Needless to say, I was utterly exhausted.
Guess what? You can’t do it all, you’re not Superwoman. So you make a mistake or miss an event or two. Your kid won’t have those dreaded “Daddy” or “Mommy” issues. They’ll do what kids often do – get over it.
Learn to say no and put yourself first. There aren’t enough hours in the day or weeks to do everything you need to do as a woman and mom. You can’t always make it to every function. You need to realize this now. Take some time to take care of yourself and your home. Unless you have a cleaning service, a nanny, and a personal chef, you’ll exhaust yourself daily trying to get everything done just because you overbooked yourself.
Spend time with adults.
Make time for yourself to have lunch with friends. And I mean, adult friends! You can’t live your life watching cartoons with your kid(s) and managing temper tantrums. You need to have an adult conversation. Find ways to relax at home. Take a moment to just breathe. It may not be every day but you need a break from diapers!
You can lose your shit.
Again, you’re not perfect. You’ll get mad and annoyed. You will want to scream and bitch – and probably will. You may even want to run away. Well, guess what? It’s perfectly fine to LOSE YOUR SHIT! It’s normal and to be honest, a bit therapeutic. Know that it’s cool to walk away and take a moment to reset. Do this everyday even if it’s just for 20 minutes. Meditate and sit in a quiet room. Put your mind at ease. Remind yourself, “I am a kick-ass mom!” because there is no such thing as perfect.