I’ve always questioned everything. I don’t remember when it began. I honestly can’t recall a time when I didn’t evaluate my actions and emotions.
Like the time when I continued to date the same arrogant prick, taking him back whenever he wanted attention. He slithered his way into my heart though he treated me badly. No affection. No quality time. He never even gave me a title. At 18, I was just going through the motions of a freshman in college who was in love (read: lust) with the baddest boy on campus.
Still, even in my naivete, I analyzed the situation. Why am I attracted to someone who is inconsistent? Why do I want to be with someone who shows sporadic affection? Why does this smooth talker with no action to back it up pull me in every time?
Because he was like my father, that’s why. Because I didn’t think I deserved love.
So, in those dire moments, when I was emotional, chaotic, self-sacrificial, and relentless in my pursuit of unrequited love, I knew who I was and why I made my choices. It didn’t stop me from making better ones but my gift of self-analysis has proven to beneficial in my career and future relationships. There are those who know who they are and others who still struggle with self-awareness. I know I am fortunate to have a great sense of myself and my motivations. I also know what I project. Do you? Do others in your life?
My college bad boy thought he was the shit. He thought he was confident, that people adored him and worshiped him. I did but many others didn’t. People on campus hated him and his bravado. He thought he was exuding sex appeal and charisma when he treated women like play things. Others, including men and women, saw him as an insecure white boy who really wanted to fit in with the Latinos and Blacks on campus. That’s the thing with lacking self-awareness. You can’t really know what you’re exuding if you don’t know who you are. You can’t fight a negative opinion of your character if that is the consensus. After all, majority rules.
So, on this Motivation Monday do the following quick exercise and share in the comments section below:
- What 5 adjectives do you feel describe you?
- What 5 adjectives would you peers use to describe you? You can post this on Facebook to get a random answer. Also, it is best not to ask friends and family for a more general idea of how you are perceived.
- Compare and contrast the two. Do your answers match?
If the answers do not match, then you are projecting a different version of you. You may not be aware of it. You may even fight and disagree with how others are describing you. It is normal to be defensive when the truth isn’t so pretty. Hopefully, you can take this time, this moment of clarity, and tap into your true self.
Question yourself. Question your motives. Learn who you are.