The first time I filled the role of maid of honor I was almost thrown out of a moving vehicle. The bride-to-be swerved as tears streamed down her face and she hollered, “You are so thoughtless!” I remained silent because I was terrified we’d crash. Not wanting to add fuel to her fire I took it in as she accused me of much more.
“The only think you thought of was what clothes to pack!”
“You didn’t contribute anything to my bachelorette!”
“You brought you’re presence but it doesn’t mean anything because you’re always there!”
The fact of the matter is that my then-friend expected things from me as her “honorary” maid of honor that I didn’t realize. This was my first time being in a wedding. Being a flower girl at 7 doesn’t really count as my duties consisted of putting my hand in a basket and scattering flowers down a church aisle. It was also my first time attending a bachelorette besides the raunchy stripper-fest my neighbor organized for her future sister-in-law. So I had no idea what being a maid-of-honor entailed, especially when it came to planning a bachelorette in Atlantic City. Still, I was accused of being selfish and cheap.
“You didn’t even buy me a thong!” She cried when switching lanes.
Needless to say, I learned my lesson. Never say yes to a psychotically inclined friend! I’ve also begun researching the duties of a maid of honor. My recently engaged sister asked me to fill that role and I don’t want to be clubbed in the head by a raging bridezilla!
According to The Maid of Honor Guide, “one of the major roles the maid of honor should play is coordinating with the other bridesmaids.” That means that I need to contact the bridal party and arrange some sort of sit down to discuss the bachelorette party and whatever is crucial to the bride’s happiness. Secondly, as a maid of honor I am supposed to keep the bride sane throughout the process and on her big day.
Guess I failed miserably the first time around.
Along with the responsibilities already mentioned, maid of honors are also supposed to:
- Host the bridal shower. That means planning and even helping with costs! Time to start putting quarters in my piggy bank.
- Pay for my maid of honor dress and everything else the bride wants me to wear. If I have to put on a pink tiara that says, “Adayna Is The Best”, so be it!
- Help the bride shop for her wedding gown. That’s already on our agenda.
- Keep the hubby-to-be’s ring safe and sound during the wedding ceremony.
- Make sure the bride doesn’t step or trip on her train when walking down the aisle. You hear that, sister? So you better not piss me off!
- Hold the bride’s bouquet during the tear-inducing vows. Trust me, it will get sappy and weepy in a matter of seconds.
- Remember to give back the bouquet before she walks onto the aisle at the end of the ceremony. I am not the bride (yet)!
- Open my yap at the reception and talk about the times I wanted to give my sister a cocotaso. Also knows as “the wedding toast.”
So that’s it! That is all I need to know to be an amazing maid of honor. This time I will do everything right. I’m even going to throw in a bonus to cover my tracks. Get ready to wear a bright pink, bedazzled thong, sister!