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I Want What She Has! How to Use Jealousy as Motivation

Jealous Girl
Flickr: Ktoine.


I Want What She Has! How to Use Jealousy as Motivation

Jealousy and hating on another woman can be used as motivation. Here’s how.

At 24, I read the “The Dirty Girls Social Club” and I was really jealous. I wanted to write a book. I wanted to be a NY Times Bestseller. I wanted to live the fabulous life of an author. But that wasn’t my reality. At the time I worked at a nonprofit as an Education Coordinator. During that time I was a ferocious reader. After a long day at work, where I was dissatisfied and uninspired, I escaped in the world of fictional characters and imagined myself writing my own book.

Still, I was seething with envy. I wanted to be Alisa. I wanted to meet her and ultimately compete with her. Who was this Alisa Valdes Rodriguez? What did she have that I did not have? Why didn’t I get this opportunity? For starters, I hadn’t pursued a career in writing.  I settled for a job that was safe.

When you settle for what’s safe you don’t explore your potential.

Still, I focused on what I lacked. I didn’t have a job that I loved. I didn’t know what to do with my life. I didn’t want to be in education anymore. I bitched and moaned and complained, and I continued reading Alisa’s work. I was inspired and angry…at myself. This jealousy, this bitterness had nothing to do with Alisa – a woman I had never met – and everything to do with me and my regrets.

MORE: If It Makes You Happy, It Can’t and Won’t Be That Bad

Why didn’t I get a degree in Journalism at UMass Amherst? Why didn’t I start a writers group? Why didn’t I write anymore or at all?

I thought about all of this one night. Crying and confused, I picked up my journal. It had been so long since I had written anything, I didn’t even know where or how to begin. So I answered my own questions.

I am scared. I don’t know how to do what I love professionally, or if it will work out in the end. I hate losing control, security and ultimately failing. I hate not knowing what the outcome will be.

This moment, well, it was my aha moment. I shifted my focus on what I felt, feared and needed, and the motivation was jealousy. Did I really just say that? I sure did. Competition can be healthy when we aren’t tearing other women down.

PLUS: 6 Ways to Support Other Women Even When It’s JLo

“The Dirty Girls Social Club” propelled me. Alisa Valdes Rodriguez gave me a glimpse of what could be. This experience solidified what I knew deep within: what I lacked professionally was creativity and a love for my work. I just had to leap. I had to explore my potential. I could no longer play it safe.  I jumped and here I am: living the life that I desperately desired. And I can thank that moment of jealousy for the push.

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Sujeiry is a natural storyteller, dynamic radio show host and the proud CEO of She's been at this digital media and content creation game for 15 plus years and pours her heart and soul onto - the only site for Latinas on all things love. After realizing there was a void in the love/relationship Latina media market, she took matters into her own hands and became the go-to sex and relationship expert on Latinx platforms. The former sex and relationship expert on works diligently and passionately to encourage women of color to be their authentic selves as they navigate all things love.


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