It started with a chat request on Facebook Messenger. The message was from a woman I didn’t know.
“Why are you talking to my man?” she accused.
Uh, what is she talking about? I think. She seems bat-shit crazy so I tread lightly, explaining that I’m just friends with her guy. She gets it, and I understand her panic.
“I got this dreadful feeling in the pit of her stomach,” she admitted to me. She saw something suspicious on her man’s phone and heard something regarding me from a friend. In complete desperation, she messaged me.
I’ve been that girl, have you? If you find yourself as the innocent bystander in a girl fight, you can turn a potentially volatile situation into a powerful dialogue between two women. Here’s how:
Avoid the attitude.
When your moral character is attacked you defend yourself. That’s human nature. I have learned that this doesn’t work. This woman has already formed a negative opinion of you. It is your job to prove to her that you aren’t some home-wrecking whore out to ruin her life. Put yourself in her shoes and imagine the desperation she felt when she hit the send button. Treat her with respect, kindness and compassion.
Address the issue.
This can be difficult when someone is acting on emotions. However, since you’re behaving in a calm manner, it is achievable. What does this woman think you are guilty of? Whatever it is, set the story straight and be 100 percent honest. Provide any proof that you have. If you have innocent texts or messages, take screenshot of them. It’s not because you have to but because you want to. Your job isn’t to fix what is clearly an unhealthy relationship; it’s to show this woman that you are not an active participant in the demise of her relationship.
I always apologize – not because I did anything wrong but because for a brief second I caused another woman pain. My actions were misconstrued as inappropriate, and for that I am sorry. In many cases I didn’t even know the guy was in a relationship; I didn’t even know their girl existed. Even then I will always apologize.
I truly believe that the bonds between women can only grow when we empower one another in all situations. It’s situations like these that allow us to show our strong moral character and unite us as womankind.