I’m feeling funky today, and not the James Brown “I feel good” kind of funk. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I didn’t even care that I began my work day at 12:30pm instead of the scheduled time of 11am. But no one will know. I will smudge my numbers in the database and allot my late start to an early lunch. Being sneaky pays when you dislike your job.
My funkyness isn’t just the fault of my job. It is also an emotional funk, one that originates in fear. You see, I told my boyfriend I loved him. I allowed myself to be vulnerable and told him I loved him. And although he said it back I am terrified I have given up too much and that I no longer have power in the relationship.
It sounds fucked up, I know. But tis is the mind of an abandoholic. Power is everything to us. Control makes us feel safe. And now that I have peeled back the layers and exposed myself I wonder if I can hold it together.
So yes, Pepitas. The comedic, confident, and clever 1st Lady of Love is in a funk, and there is nothing good about it. Not even James Brown can save me.