There are things in life that I like but do not adore. Take my love of the potato, for example. I adore this vegetable and all it creates. Well, almost. At a diner in Long Island this past weekend, I learned that I’m not a fan of breakfast potatoes. What I can’t live without, however, are french fries.
Curly fries, steak fries, McDonald’s fries, Cajun fries: I can eat them every day. If a doctor told me their deliciousness would kill me, I’d just take slower bites and await my fate. But if you give me a sweet potato – off with your head!
Why do I keep droning on about a vegetable? Because it is a perfect analogy for what happened between Julio and I.
I met Julio on OKCupid days after my failed Valentine’s date with the gym teacher from jockstrap hell. While sifting through profiles (and being very specific in my search) I stumbled upon Julio’s profile.
37. Latino. Bachelors degree. No kids.
Plus, he was really cute.
So I made contact. Always a proactive dater, I briefly introduced myself over email and awaited his reply. Days later, he did. What followed was an email exchange that lasted about a week or two. I wanted him to ask me out but he wasn’t very forward. We seemed to have a lot in common and I was excited at the prospect. So I asked him out. Call me crazy, but I wanted to know if there was chemistry. Was he a sweet potato or a curly?
My questions were answered soon enough. Sort of. You see, Julio suggested we spoke on the phone before a first date. I get it. He wanted to make sure I was the real deal. That a baritone tone didn’t come from my voice box. I was also curious to hear his voice. A man’s voice can be such a turn on.
“Ring, ring!” There he was.
“Hello,” I said after picking up.
He responded with hesitation and a bit of fear. And his voice. His voice was…terrible. He sounded like David Beckham without the British accent and a hint of Mickey Mouse. I winced as he continued to speak, though the conversation was interesting. I liked him so far, but could I adore him?
30 minutes into our call and he asked me out on a date. I didn’t want to be a bitch and say no just because he has the voice of a bitch. So we scheduled our first date. Even though he may be more of a sweet potato than a McD’s fry, I decided to give him a chance. Perhaps my “like” would turn into “adore.” Perhaps I’d take a bite of Julio and squeal in delight as if he were a warm and toasty hash brown. Or scream in terror because he didn’t keep his mouth shut. Off with his head?