Two months ago I received an email from a friend asking me to join a book club. I love to read. And one of my new years resolutions is to read for pleasure and not just for work. So I said yes. I couldn’t wait to dig into a good book and dish with new girlfriends.
But this wasn’t your traditional book club. This was The Desire Map Book Club – a club created by author and coach Danielle Laporte to help women discover their core desire feelings and then some.
It’s work. Inner work. Work I didn’t know I was signing up for. Cause I wanted to read for pleasure, dammit! Work that thousands of women across the globe participate in as they dig into The Desire Map and dish with girlfriends about their feelings, goals, and obstacles.
I had no idea what I had gotten myself into. But these moments are learning moments.
It isn’t always easy to be self-aware and totally honest about what we desire and crave. I thought I knew how I wanted to feel and the reasons behind my desires. Then I read the book. I began the journey with six other women. And I realized that I didn’t know. When choosing my five (only five allowed!) core desire feelings it hit me – I am not specific enough about the life that I want to live and the way that I want to feel while living it. That’s the point of our core desire feelings.
Our decisions, actions, career moves, choices in love: they should be driven by our core desire feelings.
As Danielle says, it’s about doing what feels right for you. When we make decisions we’re supposed to ask, does this feel good? And do these feelings align with my core desire feelings? Thing is I didn’t know what felt right to me. So I asked myself: how do I want to feel always and in all ways? I figured it out. Here are my five core desire feelings.
Amour di soi
I stumbled upon this word when I searched for the term “self-love.” Amour di soi is actually much more than love of self. It’s a psychological term that takes it a step further. It’s love of self that is primal and not affected by any outside forces. No matter what happens – a loss of a job, a man, hope, or a rejection or betrayal – your amour di soi remains intact. Who you are and how you love yourself is about you, not others. That’s the takeaway. That’s why I love this word. I want to feel this way always.
There’s a scene in the book, The Perks of Being a Wildflower, where Charlie and his friends are driving down a clear road. The music is blasting in the car. Windows down and the wind hits their faces and tousles their hair. And in that moment they felt “infinite.” It is such a freeing word. The sky is the limit. Neverending hope and love and success. “Infinite” is Godly. This kind of emotional and spiritual freedom is what I crave. “Infinite” was the second word on my list.
It was a warmer day than most of the winter days we’ve experienced in NYC. And I felt…light. Maybe it was the mimosas I just had or the warm sun grazing my face. I had a bounce in my step. I felt so relaxed and easy. And illuminated and bright. Light. It encompasses all those things. For me, feeling “light” means to let things go, not take things too personal, let go and let God. And to shine like the star that I am.
In the book, Danielle talks about thriving rather than striving. I want to thrive. I want to feel like I am always forging ahead. That I am living. That I am growing and blooming. In every aspect of my life, I want to thrive.
The first word that I chose as a core desire feeling was “love.” Then I dug a little deeper. Love is great but to feel adored, well, it’s much more powerful. When someone adores you, they admire you. They are proud of you and to be by your side. They exhalt you. They can’t imagine anyone else like you, and don’t want to. This is how I want to feel about myself and how I want others to feel about me, especially my future husband. I want to be adored. And so it is.
Photo Credit: DanielleLaporte.com.