The last time I felt like I needed to ‘slow down’ I was looking for a way out of the entertainment industry. After a slew of impulsive decisions and projects that failed to come to fruition, I felt frustrated and utterly lost. Now, I am in a great place professionally and personally. I have a job on radio that I love, and a man that I am spending the rest of my life with and with whom I will start a family. And that’s why I feel the need to slow down professionally.
For months, I’ve been worried about balancing it all and wondering if women can truly have it all. Well, I don’t want to worry anymore. I don’t want to feel like I have to sacrifice my personal life for my career. In the past, I’ve also feared that I would resent my family if I had to give up my work. I’ve given my heart, time and energy to my career for over a decade.
Now, I am no longer afraid.
It has everything to do with timing. I am ready to be a mother, a wife and partner. I feel myself becoming less and less selfish as my relationship grows and my maternal instincts kick in. I have a different perspective on happiness. I once believed that my career defined me, that if I wasn’t famous – on the cover of magazines and on TV screens – I would not be fulfilled. Now I know that isn’t the case.
What fulfills me is spending time with my love, my family, my friends. What fulfills me is writing to my hearts content, and not writing when it doesn’t come from within. What fulfills me is starting a family with Boo. What fulfills me is having time in my schedule to take in the sun, the moon, the stars; to grab cocktails after work over great music; to read a book for pleasure; to eat dinner without rushing out the door to get on the train and move on to the next gig; to be present and alive and well.
So I’ve decided to slow down professionally. I will only attend events when I feel like it. I will cut back on excess work that isn’t providing income. I will focus on the aspects of my career that are not only financially freeing but that also free up my time. And I feel great about this decision, no matter what I lose or have to let go of professionally. Because this time it’s not about giving up or quitting. This time my decision is not impulsive or coming from a place of disappointment and fear. I am slowing down professionally because I want to be enjoy the moon and stars, love and family, and ultimately, life.