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The Hardest Breakup: When You Lose A Good Friend

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The Hardest Breakup: When You Lose A Good Friend

For women, female friendships are like relationships, and losing a BFF hurts so bad.

Nine months ago, I went through the hardest break up. I didn’t dramatically breakup with some douche bag loser that cheated on me. The person who broke my heart is a 5’4, 110 pound woman who just so happened to be my best friend of 19 years.

We met while working at a grocery story when we were 16 years old. We got to talking and soon realized that we had both slept with the same guy. In her free-spirited, calm fashion she said, “Let’s not fight for a man. We can go to the playground and smoke on our break.” That was it – our fate was sealed.

PLUS: Goodbye Friend: Unfriending My Former BFF on Social Media

For the next 19 years, we had good times and bad like with any relationship. We laughed together, we cried together and supported each other during the worst of times. Our friendship felt more like a a relationship, and was much more important than any other relationship in my life, even my marriage. I felt like I had found my soul mate, my partner in crime, my other half. Someone who was going to love me unconditionally.

For women, this is what friendship is all about. This strong connection doesn’t make you or me a lesbian; it makes us strong enough to say, fuck man, I love my best friend more than words because she’s a badass bitch that always has my back.

Then something shifted. She was coping with the tragic death of a loved one while I discovered that my boyfriend was actually married. My best friend and I were both going through our own personal Hell. All of  sudden, she tells me she’s tired of my constant drama.  We duked it out verbally – I even said I would beat her ass – and threw two decades of personal shit in each other’s faces. We unfriended and unfollowed each other on social media. We stopped calling and texting one another. Just like that, our 19 year friendship was over.

Today (and after nine months without contact) she accidentally sent me a friend request on Facebook. This opened the door for a strained conversation, but in the end I realized I knew this beautiful person’s heart. We have both made mistakes. That awful day in February could not erase the strong bond between to women who have shared ups and downs for nearly two decades. In that moment, the love between us was stronger than ever. Forgiveness felt natural.

That’s how it should be. No one is perfect. People mess up. But if you’re true friends, you can work through the muck. I have been blessed to have a small group of friends who I consider to be my soul tribe. Each of these women have contributed something positive to my life. They are loyal and are with me no matter what. We ride together and we die together. Janelle, Heather, Melissa, Alicia, Jaime, Quisha and Angela: I love you all enormously, and I thank you for your friendship.

PLUS: Mourning My Girl Clique: We Could Be Bar Hopping Now

If you’ve lost your best friend, your soul mate, your ride or die, extend the olive branch. It’s never to late to get your girl back.

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Tabitha Bauman

Living in the suburbs of Philadelphia, Tabitha is a self-proclaimed free spirit who travels extensively throughout the USA. She has a bold writing style and offers her insight on love, dating and relationships on and She writers from her own experience as an independent woman exposed to the world of modern-day dating. Her goal is to enable women to value themselves above all else and find happiness in this great big world.


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