I have been ready to settle down, get married and have kids since my late 20’s. The problem is that now at 33 I am no closer to meeting and dating my fairytale husband. You know, the one I’ve always imagined marrying before becoming a mom. So I am trying to wait patiently for Mr. Right; but, as every husbandless year goes by I am faced with this simple fact: my eggs are getting old.
I first realized this after getting my yearly exam at the OBGYN. I had just turned 32 and asked for a prescription for birth control when my doctor turned to me and asked, “When do you plan to have kids? Shocked, my eyes popped out of my head. I simply said I didn’t know.
“How does your boyfriend feel about having kids?” she continued to pry. What boyfriend? I thought to myself.
“Well, ummm, we’re talking about it eventually but I am hoping to get married,” I lied. She looked at me and said, “you don’t have to be married to have kids. You want to have kids before you turn 35 so that you have a decreased risk of having children with complications.”
Well damn! I would prefer not to be a single mother, but thanks for giving me permission for the sake of having kids before 35, doc.
I left the office without my birth control prescription, hatching a plan on who to marry so I could spit out a kid STAT.
It’s been a year since that visit and I am still without a man or a child – and at my gyno’s for another general checkup. Of course, she asked me the same question.
“I know I am getting up there in age,” I began to defend myself, “but – ”
“Do you have another half?” she interrupted. I told her quite calmly that my relationship with my ‘other half’ wasn’t exactly working out.
“There are sperm banks or you can just pick someone – just make sure there’s no history of psychiatric issues in that person’s family.”
So let me get this straight,doc. You just told me to get impregnated by a random. As long as he or his family aren’t mental, it should do. Just what I’ve always dreamed of! I wanted to throw a chair at her face. Instead, I left her office feeling defeated. I have yet to find a decent man on my own, I panicked. So, is she right? Should I go to a sperm sperm bank? Or just call it a day and become a lesbian?
Neither, I decided. What I have done is accepted the fact that life doesn’t always go as planned. Even though I am not living the life I envisioned I know another plan is in the works that will lead to the same result. I don’t know when or how my children will come into my life. All I can do is stay positive and have faith that my biological clock won’t explode before time is up.