But I don’t want to grow old!
I am turning 36. Shit. That’s the first thought that came to mind after my sister and friends asked, “What are you doing for your birthday this year?”
Many are shocked that I don’t have a plan though my birthday is in 15 days. I am the birthday girl. The one who expects folks to call (not text) at midnight. The one who plans a birthday celebration the day of her birthday – not the weekend before or after. It doesn’t matter if my birthday falls on a Monday or a Tuesday or even on God’s day (Sunday for the atheists). It is my National Holiday!
Yes, I’m the one who calls her birthday a national holiday. That’s the girl I have always been. That’s how serious I am about birthdays.
So, what makes this year different? I will tell ya. Here are five reasons why I am not so enthused about my 36th birthday.
I Am Still Not A TV Star
You heard me correct. I am mad that I am going to be 36 and I am not a staaaah. What (or who) does a woman have to do to get a TV deal? As you all know, I have been hustling for the cause for years. Exhibit A and B, y’all! And I’m still not there yet. Just keep swimming? Tell that too my soon-to-be 36 year old fins! Arthritis may just kick in.
I May Just Scare Men
I want to get married and have babies. And men know. I don’t even have to tell men that I want these things in life. My age is a tell. They ask me how old I am and grow pale. “I’m not in a rush!” I reasure. “It will happen when it happens!” I coerce. And they run. Dammit. They called my bluff. It will only get worse when I turn 36!!!
Two Gray Hairs and Counting
Did I tell you that I found two gray hairs? Well, I did. I wanted to cry. I needed someone to hold me and rock me like a child who lost a tooth. Yes, it’s a big deal. It means I am getting…old. Oh Lord. Someone hold me now!
Everyone Asks Me Where Are My Babies
I just returned from the Dominican Republic where I enjoyed a week with no Internet. I also defended my empty uterus daily. Every time a family member that I don’t remember but knew my name asked, “Do you have kids?” I had to look away from their sad eyes and judgement. My ovaries are still weeping.
So Many Things to Do
In all seriousness, I feel like time is running out! I have so many things that I want to do professionally and personally. I don’t want to age! I don’t want arthritis! I don’t want a head full of grays! I don’t want my hormones to go insane (cause they already are). I don’t want to be so moody that I don’t give a shit. Well, actually, that sounds quite nice.
So, here’s to 36 – a year where I will continue living, breathing and loving, and hopefully not bitching. Happy early birthday to me!!!
How do you feel about birthdays?