I had a conversation with a former boyfriend about prenuptial agreements. “Would you consider getting one when married?” he asked. “I’m going to become a staaaah and a millionaire,” I mused, “ so, of course! What I didn’t consider then was a social media prenup. As in, a prenuptial agreement for your activities on the ‘Gram and then some.
Although my ex didn’t have an Instagram account and was barely active on Facebook, a social media prenup may help diffuse online relationship drama. We know social media affects relationships, it can even break up couples! A social media prenup can clarify online expectations, including how your partner engages with modelesque women that slide into their DM’s. Catfish or not, you better not send an eggplant emoji!
I know, a social media prenup sounds crazy, but, according to an article on Time, it’s all the rage. “More and more couples draw up contracts about what they can and can’t post online,” said the report. So, what should you add to your social media prenup? You can forbid your spouse from posting an unflattering picture of you, especially if you break up. If they do, you can take them to court and get that money, honey.
This obviously got me thinking about what I would add to my social media prenup. My list may include:
My Social Media Prenup
Disengage from any female “friends” who post skin-clad photos. There ain’t no need to ogle, comment, and DM a “friend” online that is half-nekked!
Do not post photos of me sleeping, drooling, yawning, or any photo where I don’t look fabulous Those drooling pics are private, intimate moments only to be shared between us.
Bathroom selfies are forbidden. It is not sexy or necessary to showcase our toilet on the ‘Gram.
No duck face. For the love of God, do not pucker your lips and pose!
Like me online. You should be all up on my Facebook and Instagram profiles. Engage accordingly by liking my status updates. Bonus points if you post on my timeline!
Don’t hide your social media profiles. You don’t have to give me your password, but you do have to be okay with me perusing your social media profiles. If I peek over your shoulder while you’re online and act all weird, I’m going to feel like you’re hiding something. Your social media platform is an extension of you and your life – and your life includes me.
We will be Facebook official. No ands, buts, or “I’m a private person!” about it. Everyone needs to know that you’re my man, man!
And with that, I’m off to stalk a former ex’s Facebook page.