When I began this digital game long, long ago (I may have been the first Latina to venture into this realm called “vlogging“) I didn’t know what I was doing. I had no strategy, no number-generating plan and I definitely didn’t think through how I was going to make money or the impact of what I shared on the World Wide Web. (That’s what we called the Internet long, long ago.) I knew only one thing: I wanted to create and have fun. So at 20 something years old I created Latinx characters, like Ms. Peo, Qui Dense Pendejos, El Chupa, Conchita and Singing Ronald, and recorded their antics and opinions on camera.
Fast forward to this very day and I miss those sons of bitches. I moved away from these characters and sketch comedy all together because, honestly, I felt like I wasn’t receiving recognition for my funny. Not from my community or from fellow Latinx comedians and sketch comedy artists. Writing was my bread and butter; I built my brand initially as the “Latina Carrie Bradshaw.” It was confusing to say the least. Not just for my audience but also for me. And I allowed that confusion and my need for reassurance to guide my decisions. I stuck to what was working and abandoned my love for sketch comedy and acting silly.
Well, now I don’t give a fuck. And I confess, I want to do silly sketch video again. Fuck my brand. Fuck what people say or think. And yes, fuck their applause. I don’t need it anymore.
I’ve realized that I am funny and that no one needs to tell me so in order for me to just do the damn thang. I realize that we only have one life to live and I want to look back when I’m a vieja en una mesedora and say, “Coño! I had a blast when I could move my hips without stretching first!”
Would it be great to make money off my creative pursuits? Of course. But, today, I am choosing to return to that 20 something year old chica who just wanted to have fun.
Who just wanted to be an artist. Even if the video quality sucked and my cousin was the one behind the camera, trying not to move a muscle so it did not shake. Yea. That’s what I want. To return to that simplicity. To just be silly. To be fully me.