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THE LATINA SEX AND THE CITY
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Before we get into this Shahs of Sunset recap, I have questions: why is Destiney a thing? What does she add to Shahs? What is her storyline? OK, I think it’s out of my system. Now, let’s fawn over MJ and Golnessa’s babies!
“A Nightmare on Destiney’s Street” begins with poop talk, diaper changes, and Golnessa being a great mom. Who knew a woman who collects knives for sport (and possibly for kinky stuff) could be maternal!
I am shooketh and happy for her all at once. I have to say, I’m also excited about the blossoming friendship between Mercedeh (MJ) and GG. Making friends was tough as a geriatric mom (that’s what they call us when we have a baby over the age of 35). And mommyhood is lonely AF, especially when you’re doing it alone. So it makes me giddy that Golnessa has a momma-in-crime in MJ.
I’m also loving this reasonable, logical, and…dare I say it?….calm GG. During the playdate with MJ and Shams, she drops insightful gems regarding Reza’s reactions and what went down at baby Elijah’s welcoming party. It’s all his insecurities, Dr. GG, On-Call-Therapist, hypothesizes. The scene ends with our new favorite psychologist advising MJ to show Reza compassion. Give this lady an honorary Ph.D. STAT!
While we’re throwing around imaginary titles, give Mike the Piece of Caca award. And throw Paulina a Pendeja That Takes His Shit trophy. Paulina visits Destiney admits that she’s caught Mike sexting strange women on 10 occasions. It’s unclear if he’s sexted 10 different women, but it’s Mike so assume The Worst.
“That’s his porn,” Paulina says to Destiney to normalize his behavior. Honey, porn is to be watched and enjoyed on your own and/or with a partner. Mike sexting other women is Hoeism.
This is where Destiney wins some points by reminding Paulina that she is a worthy woman that does not deserve Mike’s cheating ways and drama. Destiney really has her back and wants Paulina to dump Mike as quickly as Baby Elijah takes a dump in the first scene of this episode.
Reza is also Team Paulina, mostly because he’s always been hard on Mike. That is their relationship dynamic. Luckily, Golnessa Therapy Incorporated lays the framework to try to heal Reza and Mike’s long-time friendship. GG calls Reza out on his constantly calling Mike out for his wandering dick. The thing is I actually understand why Reza is so invested in Mike’s relationship with Paulina and his past relationship with his ex-wife, Jessica. As any friend would, Reza wants Mike to settle down, be happy, and get it together. He’s not getting any younger. (Have you noticed Mike’s I’m-not-a-Dad but I have a Dad-bod?) I feel like Reza is coming from a good place, his tactics are just messy because they’re on a reality television show. Drama equates to ratings and Reza wants to keep his j-o-b.
Speaking of jobs, GG ends her talk with Reza by saying this: You either stop being friends with them or you accept who they are. Damn, girl, when can I book my next session?
And finally, the episode ends with Destiney‘s Halloween party. Before the grand event, Paulina calls Destiney and tells her to keep her mouth shut about their previous conversation about Mike’s sexting. The bottom line is Paula knows Destiney is going to blow up her spot at the Halloween party aka on camera. Paulina. Girl. You already filmed a scene exploiting your relationship.
The party commences and the guests arrive in costumes. Nema is dressed up as a whack ass MJ. (I feel about Nema the same way that I feel about Destiney: why is he a thing?) Destiney, event planner extraordinaire, dresses up as a female Bettle Juice. So the least creative Halloween costume ever. MJ and Reza come as peace and love. Paulina is a police officer. Adam is a non-factor. (I truly don’t remember his costume.) And Mike dressed up as…Mike? Probably so it’s easier to escape from Paulina’s baby dragon wrath. She comes in hot and begins chatting with new cast member and life coach, London, about his sexting. I deduce that London is also a non-factor and does not fit in with this cast, and that Paulina does know how reality television works.
Mike is shitting his pants (see what I did there) when Paulina goes to the bathroom and Destiney follows her. It is obvious that Mike is trying to control Paulina and the narrative. There’s so much more that we don’t know about the situation with Paulina and Mike. He is TRIGGERED. So much so, that he refuses to play a silly albeit shady game where they guess who’s more likely to enter-a-shady-scenario-here. They all agree Mike is most likely to marry for money and we all know Paulina has money. So, of course, he lashes out and shouts at Destiney, who he knows is in Paulina’s ear, “I’ll buy and sell you.”
YES. HE. DID. JUST. SAY. THAT.
Destiny flips and accuses him of buying whores in Las Vegas. Chaos ensues and Destiney physically attacks Mike while screaming at him to leave her house. The fourth wall breaks! Producers get involved! The camera crew is seen! And GG Therapy Incorporated is at it again, holding Destiney back instead of joining in on giving Mike a beatdown.
And that’s where “A Nightmare on Detiney’s Street” ends. With a powerful Destiney scene in Destiney’s house that’s making me eat my words about Destiney’s Shahs of Sunset contribution. I say, give her a peach! Give her a diamond! Give her everything she wants so she can continue shitting on Mike.