Fear. Anxiety. Poor decision making. Like Drake, I felt all the feelings (and these specifically) when I launched my goal setting planner and I didn’t meet my sales goals. Like Drake, I expected to make “more money bitches!” That, however, did not happen, as I explain here, and I almost self sabotaged my own success. Fortunately, I stopped my saboteur (me!) dead in her tracks – and you can too. Here is tried and true tested advice on overcoming self sabotage.
Recognize the pattern through self-awareness
Step 1 to overcoming self sabotage is a no-brainier: you have to realize you’re your own saboteur. Not your momma or upbringing or even your lust for Drake – YOU! Once you realize that you have a pattern of self sabotage you start the work to uncover the WHY. You also can take steps to become successful without falling into this nasty, debilitating habit.
Check yo self before you wreck yo self
Like the song goes, “you better check yo self before you wreck yo self!” Now that you’re aware and know why you self-sabotage you can actually pinpoint the feelings that lead you to disrupt your life. You can STOP before you ACT. When you don’t act on your fears you halt self sabotage dead in its tracks.
Overcoming self sabotage is a process
You’re self-aware, you checked yo’ self and therefore did not wreck yo’ self, and have acted rationally despite your fear. Well, it’s not over. You may have done well today, but the need to self sabotage will return. And that is okay. Understand and accept that overcoming self sabotage is a process. You won’t stop this mechanism overnight. You won’t stop yourself from a destructive behavior pattern after one reality check. Accept this. Don’t beat yourself up if and when you let your saboteur (YOU!) win again.
Take a different approach than your norm
Let’s say you desperately need a raise. So you muster up the courage and ask your boss to consider you for a promotion. She says yes. You’re excited, of course, but soon your saboteur sneaks in and you wonder, can I handle more responsibility? Am I smart enough/good enough/strong enough/hard working enough to get the job done? What if I fail and then get fired? You’re deep in the rabbit hole and now, your actions match your mindset. You start showing up late to work late, stop meeting deadlines, and act indifferent. You are actively self sabotaging success. This is your pattern and, oops! you did it again.
Moral of this story: whenever you feel that fear and, in turn, that need to self sabotage, go against your natural inclination. Think of someone you admire and ask yourself, what will (enter name) do in this situation? Not self sabotage.
Take time off to reflect/breathe/be
When my saboteur makes me her bitch, I take a day off of work and anything that is draining. I don’t pick up the phone to speak to friends and family. I binge watch on Bravo shows. I eat ice cream and zone out. This does two things: 1)I am too busy watching The Real Housewives to act impulsively, and 2)I am taking time off so that I don’t feed into the fear. During this time, I also journal and pray. Asking God for guidance always helps me as He delivers messages soon after via my intuition or in my dreams. I suggest you find some peace in whichever way you need to overcome self sabotage.
Course correct when in a centered place
When you’re at peace you can work through your fears and come back to center. You no longer make decisions based on feelings of desperation and anxiety. You can make a calculated choice and take action accordingly. This is when you know you’ve done it: you made your saboteur your bitch. Now, lets get “richer than the richest! “
End note: I would like to thank Drake for his inspirational lyrics.
Sujeiry Gonzalez is a freelance relationship writer and author with over 14 years of experience. Coined the ‘Latina Carrie Bradshaw’ and the go-to chica for all things love, she has shared relationship stumbles, dating anecdotes and heartbreak on various platforms, including Latina, Cosmopolitan, and Well + Good. The relationship expert and radio show host has also been featured in People, Stylecaster, USA Today and Cosmo, and hosted her own radio show (Love Sujeiry) on SiriusXM. Author of Love Trips and Founder of Latina x Love, she is currently writing her first romance novel while educating writers on how to self-publish and create brandtastic content online for marketing.