He was my dream man; educated, career motivated, family oriented and a total gentleman. The minute I met him I knew he was everything I’d been looking for. Finally, a man I could bring home to mom and actually feel proud about it. He took me on a 10-hour dream date, talked about our potential future together, kissed me passionately goodbye – and broke up with me the very next day.
He said I wasn’t marriage material. It was the hardest thing I’d ever heard.
Actually, this was the second time I heard those words come out of the mouth of a guy I was dating. I was 19 the first time, and he was right – I wasn’t marriage material. But hearing these words at 25 had a whole different effect on my psyche. What exactly is wrong with me and why doesn’t my perfect man think I’m worthy of his long-term commitment? What makes me not good enough for him?
To be honest, I can think of a million reasons why I’m not marriage material. In fact, he was so far out of my league I should have known it was never going to work out in my favor. He was sweet, innocent, mature, responsible and traditionally conservative. I was his polar opposite – edgy, sarcastic, reckless, inappropriate, cynical and liberally open minded. I’m the type of girl that intrigues “good guys” because they know that I’m fun and adventurous. But lets face it; I’m never going to be the girl they want to take home to mom.
So where does that leave me? Single forever? Divorced 3 times? 40-year-old mom to 5 adopted babies? Or, is now just not my time? Don’t I get to decide if or when I become marriage material? Since when does a man get to decide my eligibility of wife status? Maybe I don’t want to be your wife, you egotistical asshole!
I realize it’s possible that I’m hurting my own chances at finding an eligible man because I subconsciously mask my true identity with humor, reckless behavior and a harsh demeanor. Truth is, I know there’s a “good girl” hiding deep within my core and one day she’ll be a great match for a really special guy. Was I ready to reveal my sweet and sensitive side on a first date? NO! Should I have? Maybe. Was he still a total jerk for snubbing me off as anti-wife after 10 hours of knowing me? ABSOLUTELY! Did he come crawling back a month later regretting everything he’d said and begging for a second chance? Of course he did, they always do. Did I give him a second chance? Negative.
This happened a year ago and I’ve chosen to make zero changes towards potential wife status. Why? Because right now I’m not at a place in my life where I can be marriage material. I’m not ready for some fantastic perfect man to come tie me down and wife me up. I’m not ready to hang up my “bad girl” pants and throw on my girl-next-door sundress. I’m not ready to stop making hilariously inappropriate comments or stop laughing at other people’s expense. I’m not ready to go home after 3 vodka sodas and I’m not ready to stop screaming profanities during karaoke.
When I’m ready to settle down, I will. Until then, this chick will continue representing the anti-wife. Move aside fellas, “Teach Me How to Dougie” just came on and I know the entire dance!