As a love and relationship digital magazine, it is only fitting that from time to time we pay homage to some truly horrible dates. We researched and dug deep, and just like a beauty pageant we decided to crown a first place winner and a runner up. I’m Trump now, bitch!
The following may just be the baddest, the craziest, oddest, and the most shocking (in a funny way, of course) dating stories. First, third place:
The Guy with Anxiety
An open-minded woman and an equal opportunity dater, Tabitha, 38, from Philly, thought nothing of dating a guy with severe anxiety. “He didn’t like to go out in public,” she shared, “and even had to get a doctor’s note so he wouldn’t have to work because it gave him anxiety attacks.” So when he asked her over to his place for a movie date, she understood and happily accepted. “I got to his apartment [for our date] wearing what I thought was a stylish outfit, but he looked at me and said ‘Oh no, where did you get that sweater? It has lunch lady pockets and looks like a lint collector – and did you dye your hair? You look like a soccer mom right now.” Insulted, Tamara proceeded with caution yet didn’t leave. He escorted her into the living room where the only furniture was a tiny TV and a Star Wars inspired cot. Then there were his walls. “Sayings like, ‘Be kind to others’ were scribbled in permanent marker. I thought I had entered the den of a serial killer!” Tamara knew it was time to dash and texted her brother “yellow” – their ‘save me’ word. Her brother caller her in the knick of time. She was out of there before Mr. Anxiety trapped her in a closet.
Now, the runner up…
Hooker for Hire
A newly single 24-year-old man was excited to begin dating again. “I met a nice enough woman,” said Jose from Miami. “So I asked her out to lunch.” They make small talk to get to know each other when she asks what he does for a living. “I tell her I’m a bartender and am studying for my actuarial exams, and ask her about her line of work. And she says (brace yourselves): ‘I’m a hooker.'” A hooker?! He should’ve slipped right into a body condom.
But, wait – the next dating tale is actually worse. Yes, this is the winner!
The Not So Divorced Divorcée
“I knew a man for about a year and he asked me out on a date,” shared Linda, 32, from NYC. “While on our date, he began talking about his ex-wife and his child.” Suddenly, he mentioned another child, so she asked how many children he actually has. “He says, ‘ I have two. One is 3 months old.’ That’s when it hits me. Did this guy just divorce his wife?” Linda pried, “Who is the baby’s mother?” To which he replied, ‘My current wife.'” Apparently, homeboy doesn’t believe in monogamy. “So, I asked one more question,” Linda continued, “Well, why are you married then? And he answers matter of factly, ‘Because I love her.'”
What a two-timing macho douchebag. Since I’m Trump now, all I have to say is, “you’re fired!”