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To Be Free And Married: Can Women Have It Both Ways?

Wild hair

The Single Life

To Be Free And Married: Can Women Have It Both Ways?

A response to Paula Schargorosky’s NY Times video entry, 35 and Singles: can a woman really be free and be in a relationship? Sujeiry shares her journey.

Wild HairAn empathetic response to the NY Times video op-ed, 35 and Single.

I must have been a gypsy in my past life. I was meant to wear bright scarves on my head. My curly hair dangling from beneath the fabric as I explore new terrain with a strut.

Whenever I feel “settled,” I want to break free. I will it. I change things. The only change that I am comfortable with is the change that I set in motion.

Even in relationships, whenever I find a “good guy,” I often feel…stuck. Is this all there is? Where is the excitement? The spontaneity? The adventure and passion and spark that lasts?

Does it ever last?

[ALSO READ: Is There Ever a Time to Settle in Love? And Signs That You Are]

I ask myself these questions as I date new men. I hope for that connection. But I cannot force it. I have been on many first dates, too many to count, and yet I have not felt that spark in a while. I am 35 and single and have not been in love since the age of 27.

I want to be in love again.

I long for a relationship with a man who is settled, stable, loving and good…and a gypsy himself. But how can that be? How can I have all these things while desiring change?

I really don’t know.

This gypsy in her past life is ready for love and all things that come along, or so I believe. Yet I want to feel free. Much like Paula Schargorosky expressed in her NY times video op-ed, “35 and Single.

25% of me wants to get married.
27% of me wants to be free.
26% longs for a spiritual life.
22% wants children.

It is a complicated equation. But I believe I have the answer.

This gypsy will be with a man who loves me for me, as much as I love me for me. I don’t want to have a conventional life, or relationship. I want to build a life, a partnership, and live it the way I see fit. I want to be free and stable. I want to roam the world with my gypsy partner and my gypsy children. With a bandana on my head, hair dangling from underneath the thread, I will love freely and passionately and not settle.

Do you ever feel conflicted with being single but desiring marriage? Share your thoughts!

Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons.

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Sujeiry is a natural storyteller, dynamic radio show host and the proud CEO of She's been at this digital media and content creation game for 15 plus years and pours her heart and soul onto - the only site for Latinas on all things love. After realizing there was a void in the love/relationship Latina media market, she took matters into her own hands and became the go-to sex and relationship expert on Latinx platforms. The former sex and relationship expert on works diligently and passionately to encourage women of color to be their authentic selves as they navigate all things love.


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