I must have been a gypsy in my past life. I was meant to wear bright scarves on my head. My curly hair dangling from beneath the fabric as I explore new terrain with a strut.
Whenever I feel “settled,” I want to break free. I will it. I change things. The only change that I am comfortable with is the change that I set in motion.
Even in relationships, whenever I find a “good guy,” I often feel…stuck. Is this all there is? Where is the excitement? The spontaneity? The adventure and passion and spark that lasts?
Does it ever last?
I ask myself these questions as I date new men. I hope for that connection. But I cannot force it. I have been on many first dates, too many to count, and yet I have not felt that spark in a while. I am 35 and single and have not been in love since the age of 27.
I want to be in love again.
I long for a relationship with a man who is settled, stable, loving and good…and a gypsy himself. But how can that be? How can I have all these things while desiring change?
I really don’t know.
This gypsy in her past life is ready for love and all things that come along, or so I believe. Yet I want to feel free. Much like Paula Schargorosky expressed in her NY times video op-ed, “35 and Single.”
25% of me wants to get married.
27% of me wants to be free.
26% longs for a spiritual life.
22% wants children.
It is a complicated equation. But I believe I have the answer.
This gypsy will be with a man who loves me for me, as much as I love me for me. I don’t want to have a conventional life, or relationship. I want to build a life, a partnership, and live it the way I see fit. I want to be free and stable. I want to roam the world with my gypsy partner and my gypsy children. With a bandana on my head, hair dangling from underneath the thread, I will love freely and passionately and not settle.
Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons.