I’ve spent the last decade of my life experimenting, exploring and getting myself in and out of trouble romantically. And with each new year that approaches I’ve learned a thing or two: like don’t kiss an old hookup at a New Year’s Eve party while your current beau watches from a distance. Or that New Year’s kisses are extremely overrated. Especially if you’ve got yourself a bad kisser.
So, for 2018 I’ve made a few promises to myself. Firstly, I promise to approach love in a different way than ever before. Here are some other promises to keep to find new love in the new year. After all, it’s a new year and I have a new outlook.
I will love wholeheartedly.
At 21 years old, a guy I really, really liked told me that I was too affectionate and “lovey dovey.” I was young, naive and very impressionable. I thought if I give my all and wore my heart on my sleeves that I would receive reciprocal love. I wanted him to like me and love me just the same, so I made a vow to tone down my naturally loving personality. I turned into an ice queen.
That didn’t work for me either as the next relationship failed as well. Only this time the guy said I was “cold.”
Since then I’ve been physically and emotionally guarded. In 2018 I resolve to return to that 21-year-old way of loving- wholeheartedly. This time though I will take with it the lessons I’ve learned the last nine years. I know that whoever gets my love in the future will get me authentically and truly appreciate it – the way it always should have been.
I will not LOOK for love but will let love find me.
I don’t like being single. I like being in relationships and I love the idea of being in a relationship – which has been a damn problem. I spent the last decade fascinated with the idea of a relationship and achieving the goal instead of focusing on finding someone I have a genuine connection with. I was looking to check off a goal from My Life Plan list versus letting something, if anything, happen naturally.
But relationships are more than just a checked box on an application or to-do list.
So in 2018 I resolve to allow myself to be found instead.
I will not use sex as THE reason.
Sex is easy, truly loving someone is the hard shit. I resolve to not use sex as the reason to try and connect and build with someone.
I will NOT settle.
As someone who has had their fair share of dates, disasters, boyfriends and blunders I’ve really been able to figure out what I do and don’t want from a partner and relationship. At times I found myself settling just because I thought coming in second to someone else was the best I could do. Over the past decade, not only have I learned just how much I’m worth, I’ve also learned that I deserve to be happily in love and in a relationship that caters to my needs and wants just the same. I resolve to no longer settle for coming in second with love.
I will learn from my mistakes and the mistakes of friends and family.
One of the great things about being single is that I’ve had the opportunity to not just learn from my mistakes, but that of my friends and family members. I’m able to learn from watching others in their relationships and see how they maneuver outside of what they choose to post on social media. Hell, being in a relationship is no joke; it’s hard work! So I resolve to not just learn from my own personal mistakes but to learn from the mistakes and everyday struggles I see my friends and family members encounter in their relationships. I promise to make sure I can handle similar issues if they come up and to avoid making certain mistakes altogether.
Sex can definitely help build something substantial, but I’ve found that we sometimes put too much emphasis on what goes on in the bedroom and forget about the other rooms in the house. I’ve learned that sex is a reward.; an not everyone deserves top honors.
So yea, I may be the only single gal in my circle starting off the new year. When I do finally find someone it will because I am living my best life and loving myself as much as my future partner should love me. That’s a promise I plan to keep.