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The Intimidation Factor: Men Are Afraid to Date Me

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The Single Life

The Intimidation Factor: Men Are Afraid to Date Me

I can’t fathom the thought that these very traits are driving interested men away.

While speaking to a close male friend of mine, the usual subject of “why Jeanine is still single” came up. “I’m the nicest human being ever,” I said while continuing to describe my angelic ways. “I’m really polite, I share my food – if I like you – and if I REALLY like you, I may even shave my legs before coming over.” You know you’re really into someone if you invest time in shaving. “So I just can’t understand why a good catch like myself has such a hard time finding a decent man.” 

Kevin then popped my bubble. “It’s clear to me that you love to intelligently tell people off.” In laments term, I have a way of telling men that “they ain’t shit” without actually cursing. And that probably freaks men out.

For once in my life, I had no response. Truthfully, he was right. I am very outspoken and assertive – online and off.  I have a unique way of expressing my thoughts, which sometimes involves putting people in their place while trying to keep my ratcheness is check.

PLUS: I Couldn’t Tame the Crazy After My Breakup

I remember one guy telling me that he felt my intelligence, education, looks and my strong stance on the effort that it takes to uphold a relationship kept him from approaching me. He thought I was too smart and too assertive to be approached. I was floored. These are some of the qualities that I love about myself and I can’t fathom the thought that these very traits are driving interested men away.

I am not nasty to men. I am also not one of those women who feels she doesn’t need a man. On the contrary, I feel that I do. Not to complete me rather to compliment me. However, if a man isn’t willing to be a loyal companion to me, he can kick rocks. It isn’t going to make or break me.

I really feel that’s what intimidates men. Knowing that a woman isn’t willing to do everything and anything it takes to get a man, and that it requires some effort on their part.

Many times the intimidation factor comes from a man’s insecurities. He is uncertain that he can live up to his perceived notions of the woman he is courting.

I can’t see myself catering to the needs of a man who is intimidated by me. I just don’t have the time or energy to waste to convince a man that I am not a scary, single woman monster. Rather than feel intimidated, men should embrace women for their intelligence, strength, assertiveness and beauty. And we should never change the beautiful qualities that make us who we are, even if that means remaining single a while longer. 

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Jeanine Cruz

Jeanine is a self-proclaimed dating mishap expert. This Pisces often dips her creative toes in arts and culture, and has a passion for spoken word, playwriting, creative writing, and lyrical writing. As a native New Yorker living in Orlando, FL, Jeanine has a unique perspective on city and beach life. Her extensive Sociology and Higher Education background allows her to see dating, love, and women’s empowerment issues from various viewpoints as she adds a twist of humor and lessons learned to her stories.


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