Bye Bye Match.com! Millennial men are passing on Tinder profiles and are social media dating. It’s the new way to date and hookup. Lately, I’ve had more men slide into my Facebook and Instagram messenger than ever before.
So, what exactly goes down in the DMs? Let me take you on a trip down memory lane.
Lesson 1: Men ghost when social media dating.
Me And Em barely had any friends in common on Facebook, so it seemed kinda random that he messaged me. Yet there he was. Ping! Ping! Ping! I was in the middle of scrolling through his profile to get a glimpse of what I was getting myself into when he asked me out on a date. Instead of messaging back and forth I shot him my number and told him to text me. Then, I waited. And waited. Maybe he is busy at work. Maybe he didn’t read my messages. I waited some more.
After hours of no response and wondering if I should have send a potential stranger my cell phone number, Em messaged me back. “My phone is messed up so I’m limited to my iPad right now.”
“Shit happens,” I replied, even though I spent most of my afternoon over analyzing our short convo.
“How was your day?” he asked, averting his short disappearance.
“It was great!” I said, excited to finally engage in conversation. “How about yours?” Crickets. Literally. We never went on our date. Em never called or text. I’m still waiting to hear how his day went. Ghosted.
Lesson 2: Filter the assholes.
“Hey Tiff, long time no speak!”
I read the DM notification on my locked screen and quickly tried putting a face to the IG name: TooFly5. Who the hell is that? After two minutes I gave up, opened my messages and saw my ex’s picture from about five years ago next to the juvenile username.
“Hey Frank, how are you? I asked, not really interested. My guard was up. Because I finally remembered one thing about TooFly5: he was FULL OF IT. Once a jerk, always a jerk, no matter how reformed, ammrite? Still, I appeased him with some small talk and hoped to keep it moving soon enough. Before I could send Frankie boy on his way, he did his best to set up a date. I used every excuse in the book – “I’m washing my hair,” “I’m gonna be out of town” – but Frank was determined to rekindle this dead romance.
“What about Thursday after work? We can get coffee.”
“Frank, I don’t think —” I paused. Instead of shutting him down, I devised a plan to get rid of Frank once and for all, and get a little sweet revenge at the same time. I agreed to meet Frank at a local coffee shop of my choice after work on a Thursday. “I’ll be wearing a pink cardigan,” I text him. When the day came I clocked out of work and began my commute home.
“I’m here,” he texted. I giggled, texting back, “okay,” and deleted and blocked Frank from my social media. Once a jerk, always a jerk. Now, we’re even Frank!
Lesson 3: Know what you want to get out of social media dating.
I have a confession to make. I’ve never really “Netflixed and Chilled.” So when Aaron, the most of the attractive man I’ve ever seen, PMed me to Netflix and Chill I ran over to his place like a dog in heat.
I’m not stupid, I know that Netflix and Chill really means to hookup. Had it been anyone else I would have definitely thought twice. But I liked Aaron. He seemed to have his shit together and he is hella attractive. The way I saw it, this was an opportunity worth running with.
For weeks, Aaron and I continued to ‘Netflix and Chill.” A month later, I realized that we were low-key dating. I was starting to develop real feelings for this guy. However, as much as I liked Aaron and wanted to see where things went, I needed to get my shit together before getting serious. We stopped hanging out, but ya never know what the future holds. #futureInstaCouple
Lesson 4: Watch out for the potential crazies.
“Potential Bae” and I were friends on Facebook for about a year. Aside from our shared interests of sports and being from the same city, I had no clue who PB was, how he found me or what his intentions were. He flirted with me on Facebook here and there and would message me from time to time. But he would always disappear only to pop back up again. He clearly wasn’t serious about wanting to get to know me, so I left him be.
Soon, PC started messaging me more frequently and even texting me from time to time also (yes, I gave him my number. When will I learn?) After a week or so of more consistency, I bit the bullet and decided to link up with #PotentialBae. Our date ran as smooth as silk but as things started to progress I noticed more and more how #PotentialBae was a potential nightmare! Between his erratic behavior, his lies, and some deep secrets he had bottled up, PB was an ultimate fail. As you may have guessed, #PotentialBae is no longer a potential anything. He has since been blocked and deleted.
Lesson 5: Sometimes flirting is just flirting.
Will marched to the beat of his own drum. He was smart, down to earth and he socially aware. He also made it a habit to flirt and converse with me from time to time on social media. It was refreshing that Will took the time to get to know me, didn’t rush into anything and liked to just talk; however, after months of social media dating I wondered when we’ve move on to the next level: emailing via actual email (because I refuse to give my number out to anyone else!). Aside from Will living more than a thousand miles away, we had exhausted our social media banter. Things dried up like it often does when social media dating.
So remember kids: the next time you get a ping from a potential social media date or bae don’t give out your number, be careful of the crazies and your exes on the prowl, and always, always, always Facebook stalk them before meeting said person in person. Because Catfishing is real ladies! And so is the fail that is social media dating.
Tiffani is a true city gal, hailing from the concrete jungle of New York City. With a large coffee in tow (that’s pronounced caw-fee to my non-New Yorkers) this closeted “self-help” addict and Lifestyles writer is on a continuous quest to discover how to have the best romantic life. An old soul with new age sarcasm, Tiffani’s sharp, witty and tell-it-like-it-is attitude has resulted in many a snafu as she tries to navigate and conquer the most challenging and complicated assignment of all: dating the New York City man. Come a long for the ride as this seasoned serial dater tries to find balance between her journey to self-love and her old school values on dating and relationships. She writes about her lessons and adventures in dating as a twenty-something millennial and all the new rules that apply.