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Reflections From a Former D.U.F.F: Loving Myself Fully

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The Single Life

Reflections From a Former D.U.F.F: Loving Myself Fully

A former Designated Ugly Fat Friend shares some horrifying dating stories, and how she finally accepted herself.

As a former plus-sized girl, “Girl’s Night” mortified me. The thought of going out with my skinny friends and being overlooked was depressing. That’s because I was a D.U.F.F (Designated Ugly Fat Friend).

My best friend since 15 years old was beautiful. With caramel skin and long, curly dark hair, she looked exotic. After I gained weight she said I should be happy to be the ‘smart friend’ because it was so hard to be the ‘hot friend.’ She said she had to rely on her looks. My then BFF would also brag about her Size 3 jeans, or tell me that she could fit into children’s clothing. There were the tales of the men she met, even when she knew I wasn’t having the same luck. To that she’d say, “At least you know that men will love you from the inside out.”

PLUS: 3 Signs You Might Have Been A D.U.F.F.

Her constant comments were a contributing factor to my low self-esteem. She enjoyed being the hot friend and that I was her D.U.F.F.

Being a D.U.F.F not only affected my self-esteem but it also made dating stressful and heartbreaking. Sure, I was the smart, funny, quirky girl who a guy could take out for a fantastic time, but I was often left crying in the corner. One time a guy I really liked asked me out to a club. It seemed too good to be true. I asked him repeatedly if he would rather be out with his guy friends, and he said no. I wanted to impress him so I went to a store and asked the sales girl to pick out the sexiest outfit I could fit into. I wanted to look and feel hot. Finally at the club together, my crush bought me a drink and said, “remember: I’m single so you can’t be upset if I meet a girl.” I spent most of the evening against the wall while he talked to skinny girls.

The absolute last straw was when I joined POF a few years ago. When creating my profile online, I did everything correctly. I checked off the proper body size online, and I told the guy I met and I hit it off with that I was plus sized. He said it didn’t matter, that he liked thick girls. So we began to talk and get to know each other. I discovered that we loved the same music, tattoos and appreciated old black and white movies. He loved Joan Crawford as much as I did! We would talk for hours and never run out of things to say.

The day came to finally meet each other. He claimed to suffer from driving anxiety and asked me to drive two hours to meet him in his small hometown. I was more than happy to do so. I drove on the snow-covered roads literally passing an occasional horse and carriage. He seemed happy to meet me but I felt that he was a bit off. Perhaps he was nervous, I thought. He made several sexual advances which made me incredibly uncomfortable. Within an hour, I came up with a brilliant excuse and left.

On my long journey home he called me. He said, “Good stuff, I have news for you. You’re relationship material buuuut to have that title you need to lose at least 30 lbs. You said you were overweight but you are actually obese. I am happy to be friends until then.”

PLUS: 5 Dating Tips to Help Plus-Sized Women Find Love Online

This incident was the last straw. I decided to change my life and began dieting and exercising daily. I lost 50 lbs and rebuild my confidence. I am still the smart, funny, quirky girl who a guy can take out for a fantastic time; however, these days guys don’t leave me in the corner to cry. I now have zero tolerance for douche bags. I also have an amazing best friend that builds me up, not tears me down.  I learned to cut off toxic people from my life and to love myself inside and out.

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Tabitha Bauman

Living in the suburbs of Philadelphia, Tabitha is a self-proclaimed free spirit who travels extensively throughout the USA. She has a bold writing style and offers her insight on love, dating and relationships on and She writers from her own experience as an independent woman exposed to the world of modern-day dating. Her goal is to enable women to value themselves above all else and find happiness in this great big world.


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