It started with a Tinder swipe and ended with a Snapchat orgasm. It was the longest relationship I’d ever had with a man I’d never met. Four months of flirting and sexting without ever touching his gorgeous face and beautiful body that I’d become so familiar with – virtually.
He was more than a stranger on the Internet with a dick pic. He was a 10-second morning wake up kiss, daily Snaptexts just to see how I was doing, goofy Facetime convos about our favorite Netflix shows, and evening eroticism ending in a “Goodnight beautiful, I’m pretending you’re here with me.” I was completely and utterly infatuated with him and dreamed of the day I’d finally get to kiss his face. Sadly enough, that day never happened.
Snapchat Dan and I had a lot in common. We were both event coordinators, drank copious amounts of alcohol at bars, and had big dreams for our future. We were the perfect amount of crazy and reckless yet stabilized by ambition and professional motivation. I imagined a future consisting of drunken concerts, classy dinners and an immaculate sex life built off passion and chemistry. I wanted him and I was certain he wanted me too. I was wrong. I was very, very wrong.
Snapchat Dan refused to meet me in person, but he wouldn’t admit to it. We coordinated countless dates in which he’d cancel last minute, or vanish before finalizing the details. He’d pretend like he couldn’t wait to see me but then ghost me every chance he got and gave ridiculous excuses I chose to believe. He was breaking my heart and I was allowing it to happen.
I’d seen enough “Catfish” episodes to know he must have been hiding something, but I couldn’t figure it out. I’d seen every inch of his body through photos and live videos so I knew it couldn’t be something physical. Did he have a girlfriend? Is that why all of our conversations happened through the Snapchat app instead of actual text messages? Was it the easiest way for him to hide our relationship given that every photo, video and text vanished after a few seconds? Was he living a second life and I was his invisible girlfriend?
I decided to put my foot down and gave him an ultimatum. I told him I wasn’t looking for an Internet boyfriend, and I was sick of his excuses. I gave him 2 weeks to plan a date and meet me in person, or to say goodbye to me forever. He panicked, apologized and promised to do his part because he wanted me to stick around. As 2 weeks approached without any date plans, I started to get desperate and afraid. One night, during total inebriation, I Snaptexted him and said, “Give me your address! I’m coming over and we’re having sex.” He declined and that was the last straw.
He didn’t want to meet me in person or have sex with me in real life. He was happy with our virtual relationship and the chances of him having a “real life” girlfriend were very high. Enough was enough. That night I blocked him from Snapchat and I never spoke to him again. It’s been 7 months since our virtual break up, and I’d be lying if I said I don’t miss him and still hope that fate will one day brings us together again.
Melissa is a writer from Long Beach, California who aims to bring out the humor and horror in modern-day dating. She believes there's no sugar-coating romance, and her writing brings out the raw reality of the millennial fight for normalcy in a virtual hook-up generation. When not poking fun at her numerous dating misfortunes, Melissa is often playing volleyball, attending concerts and cooking fantastic meals.