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Misadventures in Blind Dating: Homeboy Slipped Me the Tongue

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Misadventures in Blind Dating: Homeboy Slipped Me the Tongue

How bad can a blind date be? Imagine being surprised by a tongue when you do not want to kiss a man. Here’s one story about the misadventures of blind dating.

Your friend tells you that she knows a man who is perfect for you. So you trust her, right? She knows your type. Or so you hope. I hoped my friend Adrianna did and then this happened.

Her “really great friend” saw me in a photo on her Instagram account. He told Adrianna that he wanted to take me out on a date. She agreed to put in a good word for him and mentioned him often. Personally, I don’t trust her taste in men. We are polar opposites. But she swore he was different from the others. I decided to give him a chance.

Adrianna gave him my number. He began texting me quick messages here and there. One of my pet peeves is when people text shorthand, like, “Wut r u up 2?” That’s exactly what he was doing. Then there was his signature at the end of his texts that read “B.I.G. Boii R!co.” Another red flag! Still, for the sake of my friend, I gave him the benefit of the doubt.

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He invited me to Starbucks one night. I figured a coffee date was innocent enough. Still, I told another friend to be on standby for a potential “SAVE ME” text. The night of the date arrived and he didn’t offer to pick me up. That was the second red flag. Instead, he asked which was the closest Starbucks to my place. I gave him specific directions, cross streets and all, but he went to the wrong Starbucks. He called and had the audacity to say, “Oh, I thought you meant this one. Well, why don’t you drive over here then?”

Yes, he made me drive to the other side of town to meet him when it was his mistake. Red flags everywhere!

I arrived and realized that I was not attracted to him physically. I was already there, so why not humor him? I regretted my decision instantly. Seconds after meeting, he said he didn’t drink coffee and that we should hang out in his car to “get to know each other.” I was not getting in his car with him. I told him I wanted coffee and he replied, “Okay, well go get your coffee and then we can kick it in my car.”

What was this? A bad homeboy movie?!

I told him I rather talk outside to look at the stars. He offered to drive me to a special lookout in California to get a “better view,” winking for emphasis. I kept trying to think of ways to end this horrific “date.” So I text my friend, “SAVE ME!'” Within seconds, he called and I pretended he was my Dad.

MORE: First Date 911! 5 Ways to Show Him You’re Not Interested

“Oh my God, Dad, I’m on my way right now!”

I hung up and told him there was a family emergency. I was free! Or so I thought. He held my car door open while I sat with my seatbelt on. I told him I really had to go. I silently prayed that he wouldn’t kiss me, but he leaned in and planted a wet one right on my lips. Though my lips were pursed, he tried slipping me the tongue. I pushed him away and yelled, “Gotta go!” I drove off as fast as I could.

He texted me later that night. Thanks to the iPhone 5 I was able to block him from calling or texting me ever again. I also told Adrianna she lost the privilege to set me up with her friends. Truth be told, I haven’t let any of my friends set me up on a blind date again. I rather have a (mis)adventure finding a man all on my own.

What has been your worst blind date? Share your story!

Born and raised in the suburbs of Los Angeles, Felisa is a 23-year-old SoCal girl at heart. She loves to write almost as much as she loves to talk, and within a year she went from being in a serious five-year relationship to the single scene. When she's not in school you can usually find Felisa around Phoenix, learning something new about the city and herself.

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