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What Men Think About Squirting

Water Fountain
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Sexy Time

What Men Think About Squirting

It felt like she’d just dumped a bucket of water all over my stomach.

I remember the first time it happened very clearly. I was on the bottom and KAPOW! It felt like she’d just dumped a bucket of water all over my stomach, like I was sitting at the bottom of a waterslide and a super-sized human had come shooting out the bottom like a liquid torpedo.

water slide is like squirting

I remember jolting up when it happened, looking around, like, “Did you feel that?! What the fuck was that!” It took me a couple seconds before I looked down and figured out what had happened, “Oh that’s what that was! All be damned…interesting! Crazy!” (that was my exact inner monologue at the time).

It was a unique experience I’ll never forget. It’s like hearing rumors from your friends that they’d seen Big Foot up in the mountains, and you respond, “Oh yeah…you saw Big Foot up in the mountains? I’m sure you did!” never believing it’s real, until you see it with your own eyes off in the distance of a photo you randomly took on your iPhone when hiking in the mountains.

And other men have also seen Big Foot. When they did most guys answered with a variation of one of four responses:

“It’s AWESOME!”

“It’s GROSS!”

“Not really sure…I guess it’s kind of cool.”

“Never experienced it before.”

Some guys didn’t have an answer, but they sure had a lot of questions:

Is it pee? What does it feel like? What does it look like? Did she warn you before it came out? How much came out?

While the guys who love it and are turned on by it get off knowing the woman is getting off, and I mean, really getting off. It can be a big time confidence booster and makes men feel more desired, wanted – like alpha males who can play with female genitalia like it was their own backyard. The guys who are turned off by squitting, however, think it is just too darn messy — they feel like they are suddenly trying to have sex in the deep end of a pool without their water wings.

Personally, I love the fact that it negates the fake orgasm. It puts the guy and girl on an even playing field, finally! (Now we’re no longer the only ones who have something that comes out when we cum.) There’s no room for deception with squirting because there’s liquid evidence all over our bodies.

MORE: Guys Wish Women Would Stop Faking Orgasms

There is a potential downside for some guys after experiencing a squirting scenario – a  reluctancy to go down on a woman. He may be afraid because now he knows she’s very active. And being face-to-face with a very active vagina has the potential to create some unsettling feelings. Particularly in a case where there’s been a previous lack-of-communication and he was involuntarily struck in the face, leading to a crippling and tumultuous case of PTSD – post traumatic squirt disorder – which can impact a relationship in all sorts of ways.

So what, it makes things a little wet? He should think of it as he’s a grown up man who gets to play at a water park.

We can get used to sleeping on an assortment of towels most nights and dealing with an overly expensive laundry bill. That’s just a small price to pay for hopefully having great sex — the better the sex, the more laundry we have to do. Any sane man would take that trade any day.

PLUS: Women Share Horror Stories About Sex During Their Period

The only thing we ask: if we’ve got our head down in the fun zone when the pelvic convulsions are coming on and you feel an extra big splash coming down the chute, give us a heads up so we can take cover. Maybe that and the occasional dollar or two for laundry.

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Jamie Rea is a Canadian entrepreneur, relationship writer, and comedy writer who loves to combine humor with advice on various topics in dating and relationships. He is a self-proclaimed hopeless romantic with a dirty mind, so it’s not surprising his dream girl has a big sense of humor and an even bigger heart. He currently writes about relationships for multiple publications across Canada and the US, including Made Man, Elite Daily, and Mode Media.

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