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Uncircumcised Penises: The Mystery of the Chubby Thumb

Turtle
Flickr: Davedehetre.

Sex

Uncircumcised Penises: The Mystery of the Chubby Thumb

Uncircumcised men aren’t talking about their penises or revealing any insecurity.

Who knew it would be so hard to get a guy to talk about his penis? I mean, I thought they were obsessed with them! Any chance they get to brag about size or send a dick pic to a chick, they will…right? Wrong. It turns out that guys are anti-penis talk when a female writer reaches out to interview their turtleneck top dog.

Questions about personal experience, body image and perspective on societal views makes these penises scurry right back under the hood faster than you can say “scissors.” I guess I can’t blame them. Uncircumcised penises are shy, that’s why they hide under all that skin!

PLUS: Does Penis Size Really Matter?

Back in the day, I had a one-night stand with an uncircumcised guy and I never even noticed. I found out after the dirty deed when he revealed how self-conscious he was about his minority-style penis. Not only was I shocked to find out I’d bumped uglies with the Loch Ness Monster, but I was equally surprised that he was so ashamed and struggled with negative body image. I began to wonder if this was the case amongst all uncircumcised men in the U.S. But, since I couldn’t find any men to fess up about their package I reached out to my lady friends in hopes that their previous encounters might help me answer this question.

Nope! It turns out that uncircumcised men aren’t talking about their penises or revealing any insecurity to their female sex partners. But what about your one-night stand, Melissa? Well, after further thinking, his insecurity might have been due to his extremely young age; so young it’s probably not even safe to document publicly. Hey, it’s not my fault underage kids can sneak into bars with fake ID’s!

So where does society stand today in terms of uncircumcised penises? Are we still snipping away at baby boys or are more parents saying no to the scissors? According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), since the 1980’s circumcision rates are following an up and down trend, which is a direct result of the flip-flopping guidance from experts regarding the relevance of the surgery. We all hear the tales of the health risks and hygiene struggle, but is it really that severe? Can’t these boys spend a few extra minutes in the shower to keep their penises intact? Are we snipping for hygiene or are we snipping to follow societal and cultural norms?

MORE: The Parts of the Penis Women Really Care About

In any case, uncut men might experience embarrassment due to their unique package during adolescence. They might worry about being different and fear the reaction from their female partners. Later in life, uncut men might be curious about what a woman thinks of his uncircumcised penis, but won’t care enough to avoid sex entirely. There’s never been a single man in the world to pass up hittin’ the poon because of insecurity due to his chubby thumb. Besides, the chances of a woman knowing the difference are slim to none. That’s one sneaky little turtle you got there, boys!

Melissa is a writer from Long Beach, California who aims to bring out the humor and horror in modern-day dating. She believes there's no sugar-coating romance, and her writing brings out the raw reality of the millennial fight for normalcy in a virtual hook-up generation. When not poking fun at her numerous dating misfortunes, Melissa is often playing volleyball, attending concerts and cooking fantastic meals.

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