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When Bae Asks You How Many People You’ve Slept With

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Sexy Time

When Bae Asks You How Many People You’ve Slept With

When Bae Asks You How Many People You’ve Slept With

Don’t tell him he’s your second partner when he’s more like you’re 20th.

I used to boast about my number of sexual partners. For a long time that number was zero. While my friends were getting it on to slow jams and baby making music from Blackstreet and Silk…

silk slow jam gif

I was singing along to those songs in the shower.

Shower

And tightening the lock on my chastity belt. No man shall enter until they prove they were worthy of my vagina! Or so I thought. Fast forward to the day I did the deed and dude was just another chico who wanted to get in my panties.

Once I got rid of my V-card my number of sexual partners slowly increased. It’s difficult to keep your legs closed when you’ve tasted the dragon; often times our genitals have a mind of their own. That’s also when I stopped bragging about my number. I could no longer count my bed buddies on one hand, so I refused to bring up the subject of past lovers.

Honestly, I was ashamed. As women we still walk a thin line between sexual liberation and slut shaming.

But men did ask. One guy I dated blurted out, “so how many people have you slept with?” and he knocked me off my sexy/smooth/not sweating nada game. He rendered me speechless, and as the guilty kicked in, I just lied. Was that the right decision? Probably not. Should I have told him to mind his beeswax? Maybe, but I liked him too much to brush off his question; plus, I was curious how many women he has slept with. If I could turn the hands of time, here are a few other ways I could have handled that dreaded question: so, what’s your number? 

Round down.

Don’t lie like I did. Don’t tell him he’s your second partner when he’s more like you’re 20th. Just ball park how many people you’ve slept with. Use the power of mathematics and estimate. 

MORE: What Your Number May Say About You

Use your hands.

And by using your hands I mean say something like, “I don’t know, it’s less than two hands,” and then flash him your jazz hands. If you make a joke about it (hand puppets, anyone?) he may let go of the topic altogether.

Tell him he’s the only one.

He knows you’re not a virgin, but often times men ask for our number of sexual partners because they’re insecure. He wants to be your best lover so tell him so. Say, “you’re the only number that matters, baby,” and seal it with a kiss.

Focus on now.

Tell him that this topic has nothing to do with your relationship. You are with him, not the partners you slept with when you were 21 or 30. If he doesn’t let it go, his insecurities may be deeper than you imagined. It may manifest in different ways in your relationship, such as controlling behavior and emotional manipulation.

Good old reverse psychology.

Like Britney Spears, I’m sure your man isn’t that innocent. Unless he’s a virgin, he also has a past. So turn it around. Ask him what his number is. Whatever the number react calmly and nonchalantly. Lead by example.

PLUS: How the Sex Talk Should Have Gone When I Was a Horny Teen

Get tested. 

You should’ve done this already (and annually!) but getting tested may ease his worries, especially if he is concerned about STDs. Be wise. Talk about it and make an appointment together. Get tested as a couple and put this conversation to bed.

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Sujeiry is a natural storyteller, dynamic radio show host and the proud CEO of LoveSujeiry.com. She's been at this digital media and content creation game for 15 plus years and pours her heart and soul onto LoveSujeiry.com - the only site for Latinas on all things love. After realizing there was a void in the love/relationship Latina media market, she took matters into her own hands and became the go-to sex and relationship expert on Latinx platforms. The former sex and relationship expert on Latina.com works diligently and passionately to encourage women of color to be their authentic selves as they navigate all things love.

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