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Resentful & Stopped Having Sex? Get It On Again With These Tips

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Resentful & Stopped Having Sex? Get It On Again With These Tips

Resentful & Stopped Having Sex? Get It On Again With These Tips

Stay open in order to maintain intimacy and reignite sex during troubled times.

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It had been months since we’d had sex. 3 to be exact. I always swore we’d never be that couple. That I would never allow days to become weeks and weeks to become months without attempting to jump his bones, if he wasn’t trying to get in my panties. He wasn’t. I wasn’t. I had no interest in seeing him naked or giving him a happy ending. We were in a sexless funk. Living under the darkest cloud. The cause was resentment.

I resented him for not supporting my dreams of creative entrepreneurship and for “forcing” me to #adult. He resented me for being choosy about employment (I didn’t want to settle for less than a career I was passionate about) and placing the financial burden of building a steady, economic foundation for our family on his shoulders. He was right; inadvertently, while being laser focused on what I desired to be joyous and creative, I abandoned him and all practicality. Pragmatism has never been my strong suit. Even worse? We weren’t expressing our feelings of anger, pain and rejection. And, as they say, communication is key. Especially when your relationship is falling apart.

Jessa Zimmerman, Certified Sex Therapist and Author of Sex Without Stress, emphasizes the importance of staying open in order to maintain intimacy and reignite sex during troubled times. “Intimacy is about letting yourself be seen and known, not just when things are good and not just the parts of you that you like,” Zimmerman explains, “it’s incredibly easy to lose emotional intimacy when a couple isn’t getting along.” In this case, neither party wants “to reveal negative thoughts and feelings, and they don’t know how to have difficult conversations during conflict.” That’s when couples who are plagued with resentment withdraw and hide their feelings.

Shutting down is the worst thing a couple can do. As difficult as it is to open up in moments of relationship strife, you must “lean into your partner and share the bad with the good as it helps maintain an intimate connection.” If you don’t, you’ll become an atypical couple who rarely has sex, which, according to a study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, happens more often than we think. The study shares that Americans who are married or living together are having less sex now than in past years. You can, however, turn it around and become that intimate couple that’s banging and hollering with pleasure once again. Zimmerman suggests the following steps to reignite intimacy and bring back sex after resentment has reared its ugly head in your relationship:

Talk honestly about what’s going on and how it feels. And that’s without blaming your partner. “Blame and criticism are likely to evoke defensiveness, not a constructive engagement with the issues,” Zimmerman says. Plus, it takes two to tango; both parties have contributed to the disconnect and distance in the relationship. You should each “approach this with the understanding that the situation has been co-created, and that each person should be looking at their own individual accountability.”

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Sujeiry is a natural storyteller, dynamic radio show host and the proud CEO of LoveSujeiry.com. She's been at this digital media and content creation game for 15 plus years and pours her heart and soul onto LoveSujeiry.com - the only site for Latinas on all things love. After realizing there was a void in the love/relationship Latina media market, she took matters into her own hands and became the go-to sex and relationship expert on Latinx platforms. The former sex and relationship expert on Latina.com works diligently and passionately to encourage women of color to be their authentic selves as they navigate all things love.

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