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“Uh Oh”: Wrong Door Babe

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Sexy Time

“Uh Oh”: Wrong Door Babe

When a guy goes through the backdoor – accidentally!

Have you ever been mid-hook up with bae and he accidentally slips straight into your ass? This infamous “Uh Oh” is probably one of the worst and most shocking unexpected experiences a woman can go through. One minute he’s 5-inches deep, pleasuring you through the walls of your vagina; next thing you know you’re taking a big one deep in your backside. It’s sort of like the first time someone tricked you into eating a War Head. Soft, sweet and tasty until all of a sudden you’re sucking on the Devil’s poisonous sour candy. At least that’s how I felt the one time I unintentionally allowed a visitor through my back door. The jerk didn’t even knock first!

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I was dating this guy who was much younger than I had previously thought. He looked like a Calvin Klein model in his mid-twenties but ended up being an 18-year-old frat boy living in his sister’s basement. We’d been seeing each other for a few months and were still in that “I’m going to pretend to be perfect so you like me forever” phase. The night he accidentally went through my backdoor we were hooking up downstairs in his basement while two giant poodles awkwardly watched. We were going at it missionary style when all of sudden…”AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!”

He was in and out faster than a 16 year old’s quickie, yet the shocking strike of pain and 20 seconds of pure confusion didn’t make it any less horrifying.

So what are you supposed to do when this happens? How the hell are you supposed to react with your man, or even worse – a one night stand – when the inevitable “Uh Oh” makes way through your back door? Well, I can tell you exactly what not to do, and that my friends, is cry uncontrollably. Not only does that kill the mood, but now your man feels guilty for accidentally violating your exit-only zone. It’s not his fault you’re vagina transformed into a slip-n-slide! Second, and quite possibly most important, avoid mimicking the sound of a dolphin. “Eh eh eh eh” will not only confuse your man  but it will also throw those genetically-modified poodles into a full-blown frenzy.

Tears, dolphins and a stampede of barbaric, oversized pets will make this “Uh Oh” far worse than it has to be.

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If this hasn’t happened yet I can guarantee the “Uh Oh” is in your near future. I advise that you mentally prepare yourself now and start practicing the “I want to scream my head off and cry but instead I’m going to laugh” smile. Make those tears laughing tears. Think about the pint-sized Ben and Jerry’s ice cream you will eat once you can move without doing a pimp walk.

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Melissa is a writer from Long Beach, California who aims to bring out the humor and horror in modern-day dating. She believes there's no sugar-coating romance, and her writing brings out the raw reality of the millennial fight for normalcy in a virtual hook-up generation. When not poking fun at her numerous dating misfortunes, Melissa is often playing volleyball, attending concerts and cooking fantastic meals.

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