Tears fell from my ducts like a leaky faucet only there was no drip, drip, dripping sound. Nose stuffed like an over packed suitcase; my baggage making it unbearable to breathe. Eyes red and swollen as if I’d been shot with a high, potent dose of Maryjane. Only I wasn’t at ease.
In fact, I felt the opposite effect.
Anxious. Interrogating myself as if I were a culprit, racking my brain to find answers to questions that I repress with a smile, my vulnerabilities and rawness unspoken.
Does my boyfriend love me? Is he fickle like the rest? Have I been bamboozled? Is this another one of God’s test? Am I lovable enough or even at all? Can I handle another failing relationship? Will I be able to pick myself up again if I fall?
More sobbing. A headache ensues. From the right side of my temple to the left, I am paralyzed with pain and fear looms. Leading to statements that are more like self-loathing mantras. Papi’s abandonment lingers. Question every man’s motives because I am still haunted.
I miss my boyfriend. That makes me afraid. I feel unloved. I feel him pushing me away. I feel him distant. Something has changed. Or is this all in my head? Am I making assumptions and repeating mistakes?
I return to crying. I rather suffocate my tears with my pillow than admit I am emotionally crippled and my faith is slowly dying.
So yes. Yesterday I cried for him. Tears fell from tear ducts like a leaky faucet only their was no drop, drip, dripping sound. Nose stuffed like an over packed suitcase; my baggage making it unbearable to breathe.
I just couldn’t breathe.
Suddenly, I hear a melody. I swing my index finger like a conductor at a theater and begin to sing…
“Yesterday…all my troubles seem so far away…”
Suddenly, my cheeks are dry. Lips no longer quiver. There is no need to hide.
And now I stand, peeling my layers for all to see. Here I am revealing that yesterday…I cried for him.