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Yesterday I Cried for Him

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Yesterday I Cried for Him

Abandonment and Fear of LoveYesterday I cried for him.

Tears fell from my ducts like a leaky faucet only there was no drip, drip, dripping sound. Nose stuffed like an over packed suitcase; my baggage making it unbearable to breathe. Eyes red and swollen as if I’d been shot with a high, potent dose of Maryjane. Only I wasn’t at ease.

In fact, I felt the opposite effect.

Anxious. Interrogating myself as if I were a culprit, racking my brain to find answers to questions that I repress with a smile, my vulnerabilities and rawness unspoken.

Does my boyfriend love me? Is he fickle like the rest? Have I been bamboozled? Is this another one of God’s test? Am I lovable enough or even at all? Can I handle another failing relationship? Will I be able to pick myself up again if I fall?

More sobbing. A headache ensues. From the right side of my temple to the left, I am paralyzed with pain and fear looms. Leading to statements that are more like self-loathing mantras. Papi’s abandonment lingers. Question every man’s motives because I am still haunted.

I miss my boyfriend. That makes me afraid. I feel unloved. I feel him pushing me away. I feel him distant. Something has changed. Or is this all in my head? Am I making assumptions and repeating mistakes?

I return to crying. I rather suffocate my tears with my pillow than admit I am emotionally crippled and my faith is slowly dying.

So yes. Yesterday I cried for him. Tears fell from tear ducts like a leaky faucet only their was no drop, drip, dripping sound. Nose stuffed like an over packed suitcase; my baggage making it unbearable to breathe.

I just couldn’t breathe.

Suddenly, I hear a melody. I swing my index finger like a conductor at a theater and begin to sing…

“Yesterday…all my troubles seem so far away…”

Suddenly, my cheeks are dry. Lips no longer quiver. There is no need to hide.

And now I stand, peeling my layers for all to see. Here I am revealing that yesterday…I cried for him.

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Sujeiry is a natural storyteller, dynamic radio show host and the proud CEO of LoveSujeiry.com. She's been at this digital media and content creation game for 15 plus years and pours her heart and soul onto LoveSujeiry.com - the only site for Latinas on all things love. After realizing there was a void in the love/relationship Latina media market, she took matters into her own hands and became the go-to sex and relationship expert on Latinx platforms. The former sex and relationship expert on Latina.com works diligently and passionately to encourage women of color to be their authentic selves as they navigate all things love.

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