Communication is the single most important thing in any relationship. Whether it’s with your family, your friends, your kids, or your significant other, being able to communicate is key. As a writer, I can honestly say that I’m a lot better at communicating than most, but I will admit that saying and actually verbalizing my feelings can be quite tricky. This is especially true when trying to speak to someone after a fight. I sometimes can’t find the words to say what I mean, and I know I’m not alone in this.
When you get in to an argument with your man, it’s not always best to say the first thing that comes out of your mouth. In the heat of the moment you may say something that you don’t mean, and more importantly that you can’t take back. When you’re upset or have something on your mind, I suggest writing it out. Here are some tips on how to say what you mean when you just can’t find the words.
Pull out the notepad.
Think of this as a first draft. Pretend you’re speaking to your man and spit it out. If that means screaming, crying, bitching, complaining, go ahead and do it – but do it on pen and paper. Let this be your no-hold bar bitchfest and let go of everything you have to say. Don’t think, just write. Forget the grammar, the repetitiveness – let it ride.
Read it out loud.
Once you’ve let loose it’s time to take a quick break, step away, breathe, and then read it out loud. Make sure everything you’re feeling and want to say is written. This is your chance to say it all and say it right.
Re-read it again, make corrections, and that all makes sense and is easily understood. When revising keep it light and non-confrontational. You’re trying to express what you feel, not trying to explain why you’re upset or cause a bigger fight. Revise for tone, continuity, and for your own peace of mind. Make sure this is exactly what you want to say and how you want to say it.
Once you’re calm set up a time to talk when you’re both ready to communicate. Explain that you’re upset about the argument and whatever is happening in your relationship that is upsetting you. Tell him you want to speak about it all. Now, you have two options here: you can email him the revised letter or give him the letter to read before you sit down to talk. That way he knows how you feel before the sit down. Or, you can read him the letter yourself and ask him not to interrupt. Either way, this is the time to speak up without worrying you’ll say something you can’t take back.