I am so tired of dating guys with pussies. Whoa! Not that kind, but the feline type.
After years of dating, I’ve concluded that the worst type of guy to date is the childless middle-aged man that is the proud owner of at least one cat. At first it’s super cute. You see the pictures of little Mr. Von Kittles on social media, and he’s doing all sorts of fun things. Then the shit just gets weird. You visit your new love in his home and he warns you that Mr. Von Kittles likes to play and bite female hair. Seriously? This little bastard it going to bite my $300 weave? Fantastic.
That’s actually the good news. These furry little beasts are a huge red flag. Yes, ladies, little Mr. Von Kittles is setting your relationship up for failure. Male cat lovers have similar traits. First, they are blind and obviously missing brain cells for passing up an amazing woman like me. The real problem, however, is that they’re commitment phobic.
Think about: how hard is it to take care of a cat? You feed Mr. Von Kittles once a day and leave him with dry food and water – and out the door you go. You come home whenever you like and Mr. Von Kittles bites your hair or snuggles with you, but only if the pussy feels like it. If Mr. Von Kittles is not in the mood, he hides underneath the covers and leaves fur all over your bed. FYI: It’s so much fun to fuck a guy with cat hair all over his sheets. Seriously, why did I even shave my legs or lady parts? They’re now covered in cat hair. Thanks, Mr. Von Kittles!
Bottom line, male cat lovers don’t really have to take care of their pussies. They can go away every weekend and leave their cat(s) alone for days. So they may not have a problem leaving you the same way. In my experience, all of the cat guys I dated treated me like their cat. I got just enough attention to keep me around – part time. They’d take me out to the occasional dinner once a week and the rest of the time treated me to dry food. (Pass those Sour Patch Kids.) Of course we’d get drinks as well; after all, these guys are “responsible.” By nights end, most would send me home.
So, I am on the hunt for a puppy lover. Because a man that owns a dog takes on the responsibility of walking the dog, picking up dog shit, feeding their dog and giving them constant love, attention and affection. I am guessing this man will treat me the same – minus the poop. And that’s fucking fantastic.