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Why We’re All A Little Selfish Until We’re Really in Love

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Why We’re All A Little Selfish Until We’re Really in Love

Being selfish is part of human nature, but when we’re really in love it changes. Here’s why.

We’re all a little selfish. Whoever tells you otherwise is lying or not very self-aware. Because no matter how much we try to think of others or put ourselves second, when we are in a moment of crisis and swimming in our shit, we only think of ourselves.

A conversation with a person on “me me me” mode goes something like this.

“Oh my God! I’ve had such a terrible day. I’m so over it.”

You ask what happened and they tell you. They talk – a lot – which is fine because they are having a moment. We all have those moments. Even if she’s naturally talkative she eventually snaps out of it and asks how you’re doing. Because she is only being selfish and self-absorbed in that moment.

I’ve been that girl. I’m sure you have too. As much as I’ve loved and lost and loved again, as much as I’ve build strong connections with female friends – some that last a lifetime – I, like many of you, have only had to think of myself. My mistakes are mine to learn from. Any financial or emotional burden is mine to carry. I make decisions about my life and only have to consult one person – me.

Then true love happens. You meet your guy and envision a future with him and he with you. You discuss marriage and babies and moving in together. And that’s when it changes. That selfish part of us is tested. It’s not just you anymore. Your dreams affect his. Your decisions affect him. Your finances, job security, health issues, family drama affects him.

You can no longer think in “me me me” mode. It is now “we.” And that is terrifying.

ALSO READ: Kindness and Generosity: Traits for a Successful Marriage

It makes you question everything – your life choices, your mistakes, your career path, your finances. Shit is real and you don’t want to fuck it up. So something shifts within. You put your best foot forward. You consider your partners feelings much more. You make sacrifices for your relationship, for the “we.” You begin to think of your future family and desire to bring them happiness, security, and so much love. And you think of yourself a little less. Not in a bad way. In a selfless way. Yes, that selfish part of you will always be there, living in your subconscious, but you will make a much more valiant effort to keep it in check for love.

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Sujeiry is a natural storyteller, dynamic radio show host and the proud CEO of She's been at this digital media and content creation game for 15 plus years and pours her heart and soul onto - the only site for Latinas on all things love. After realizing there was a void in the love/relationship Latina media market, she took matters into her own hands and became the go-to sex and relationship expert on Latinx platforms. The former sex and relationship expert on works diligently and passionately to encourage women of color to be their authentic selves as they navigate all things love.


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