I have few single friends remaining, and none of these women want to be single. They are older. They are terrific. They are also exhausted of dating and getting consejos from friends who have never really been single.
I get it: it was only a year ago that Boo and I connected. And I was single a year before we got together. I wasn’t dating much. That was always my pattern. I would end a relationship (or they’d dump me), remain off the market, try to heal from the broken relationship and a drained heart and, in about 6 months to a year, I’d be “ready” to date again.
Often times I wouldn’t meet anyone of interest. Whether I met men online, at a bar or through a friend, it didn’t amount to much. I blamed it all on bad luck, my own insecurities and issues, and even NYC. But previously consistent single status had nothing to do with any of these things. What was it then? Why do some women find love while other women are single for years? I have a theory.
A Lack of Patience
When I was single for many many years, I lacked patience. I wanted a man NOW and that impatience led me to choose men who weren’t worthy. It became a cycle. I would be single, become infuriated with being single, and when I couldn’t take it anymore I got with the next dude that came along, even if he was mediocre. Red flags were smacking me in the face as if I were a porn star getting whacked with a penis, yet I ignored them. I didn’t want to be alone anymore.
Women who seem to find love just like that don’t give into this impatience. They don’t become desperate. They just know it will happen.
Working Too Hard
I’ve been guilty of working too hard to find a man. I was on a million online dating sites, asked friends about their single friends, and attended singles mixers often; I always had my eye on finding a man. And so I never met someone. I was thirsty, and that thirst attracts the wrong kind of love.
Women who find love just like that go out to have fun. They are open to love without focusing on finding love.
Not Taking Breaks
Many single women who struggle with meeting someone do not take a break from dating. They get dating fatigue. They always try to meet men online and, as I previously stated, work too damn hard. This isn’t supposed to feel like a job! Dating should be fun. If you’re not having any, take a break.
Women who find love just like that don’t go on dates for the sake of dating. They are selective.
Comparing Your Love Story
“My best friend met so and so online, but it hasn’t worked for me.” “My sister met a guy at a club, but all I meet is losers.” “I just don’t know why she always meets someone when single and I don’t.” Sound familiar? That’s because many single women compare themselves to women in relationships. But their love story won’t be your love story. It can’t be. So stop comparing and wishing you met your guy just like someone else.
Women who find love just like that focus on their own journey.
Oh, how many times I blamed myself for being single! Yes, I made choices that led to my situation, but I also ripped myself a new asshole and tarnished my self-esteem in the process. You have to be accountable but that doesn’t mean you should put yourself down. Single ladies who struggle, you are wonderful as is. Grow into a better version of yourselves. Learn from your stumbles. Stop blaming yourself and your qualities. If a man hasn’t realized that those traits are part of you, he isn’t the man for you.
Because women who find love just like that never settle for someone who doesn’t love them – flaws and all.