Often times women wonder why men from their past haunt them like Casper the Ghost. Casper is cute and not at all frightening, yet he is intangible. He flies in and out of our lives, disrupting the balance of nature. Casper, like your former partner and lover, is a being that can never be fully present.
So, why does he come back? You ask yourself after receiving a text or late night phone call from an ex.
You, my dear, left an opening
The Opening can take many forms. It all depends on how the relationship ceased to exit, who did the dumping and the final words that were said when the relationship went kaput.
- If He Dumped You: When a man ends a relationship, he often believes he can return to his ex-girlfriend, eventually, and continue where they left off, sexually. They may return for break-up sex, or, if they call out of the blue after many months, they have kept you on the shelf. Being on the shelf is a common phenomenon that I explain here. To stop his behavior when you are dumped, you must prove that you have indeed moved on. Refuse to be friends as most breakups are never mutual. Don’t pick up his phone calls when he does call, and believe me he will call soon enough. And, of course, no break-up sex or drunk dialing.
- If You Resisted the End: If you resisted the end of the relationship, he thinks he still has you wrapped around his finger. You fought to let go. You tried everything to make it work. You took blame. You pleaded for him to return. You ignored his signs and his obvious, though often cowardly, behavior that demonstrated indifference and a lack of interest in the relationship. Once you fight the end, he knows you still want him. That’s why it’s so important to let go of a man when he clearly doesn’t want or love you anymore. If you don’t, when it ends, he will come back with the same confidence because he still thinks he affects you and your heart.
- If You Dumped Him: Women can be as bad as men when they end a relationship. We may want break-up sex. We like the idea of having a back up plan. We even call on our ex, if he still cares, when we need reassurance and love. And break up sex. If we ended the relationship on our terms and there was no funny business, then, yes, we leave that door open so he can come back, if only temporarily.
- You Were The Ms./Mr. Nice Guy: You don’t want to hurt his/her feelings so you let him/her down too gently. As in, “Maybe…possibly…potentially…we can reconnect down the line” or the infamous, “I want to get back together with you…eventually.” This only leads to hope. The dumped waits in vain, wishing upon a star that eventually comes along quickly. They call from time to time because you left a wide opening in their hearts. They contact you or text or chat with you on Facebook and you wonder why. I’ll tell you why. You led them on. They believe they have a shot because of your possibly, potentially, maybe, eventually.
The best bet to get rid of your Casper is to realize what part you have played in his return. Did you lead him on? Did you leave that door open because you still want that comfort when you are lonely? Did you fight so hard for the relationship that you diminished your self-worth? That he believes you are so in love with him you will take him back always and all ways. Once you know the why then you can deal with the how and get rid of Casper permanently.