It is a common anomaly, yearning for what no longer wants us and finally appreciating what and whom has been lost. This is why men often come back, dialing the number they’d once avoided, if only to get one more shot at love with the girl that got away. Exes usually dial my number, months after a breakup, and greet me with a somber ‘hello’. During the conversation, they mutter words of regret and longing as if they’d lost a puppy.
And they did loose a fabulous puppy. The itty bitty puppies right on my chest, that feed, nurture and look really great in a v-neck t-shirt.
Luke followed this pattern just 2 weeks ago. I sat in front of my Mac, pre-posting and scheduling fabulous giveaways for my readers, when my iPhone sang. I peered at the phone with my peripheral vision and was taken aback when I saw his number. Luke, my phone screen read. My eyebrows shot up in surprise, though my heartbeat remained steady. What does he want? I heard myself saying aloud. Only one way to find out.
“Hello,” I answered a bit distracted. Though I had stopped writing, I began to Tweet about my unexpected caller.
“Hola preciosa! How are you?!” He asked, eager and way too comfortable.
“I’m good. How are you?” I said while reading a reply tweet. My Pepitas thought it interesting that I was speaking with my ex-boyfriend.
“Aqui…what have you been up to? Ya te casaste?” He said with an uneasy chuckle. I shook my head. “We only broke up 4 months ago. How in the world would I be married,” I stated, annoyed at his Dominican humor and nosy questioning. It was an obvious attempt to discover my relationship status.
“Bueno, you never know,” he retorted, still laughing. Suddenly, Luke recapped the last 2 months. We hadn’t spoken since June and it baffled me that he had yet to find employment and had temporarily moved to West Palm Beach, Florida.
“What about your daughter?” I asked, concerned.
“She’s staying with her mom, but I have a big house I’m renting. 5 bedrooms and a pool. So she can come visit.” My jaw dropped. Mouth wide and open. “How are you affording…” I began. “Forget it, I don’t want to know,” I finished. Better not get involved in something shady, I thought.
“Well, listen, give me a call sometime,” Luke began. ‘We didn’t end on bad terms, so maybe we can see each other and hang out.” And that’s when I realized that Luke was regretful. He wanted another try at…something. He was trying to rekindle…something. What that was I didn’t know, and, honestly, I wasn’t interested.
As we said our goodbyes, I told him I’d call him during my vacation in Miami knowing that I wouldn’t. Luke wasn’t a bad person. He treated me well and has an amazing heart. But Luke is not the man for me. The man for me is ambitious. The man for me is consistent and does what he says. The man for me does not abandon his daughter like my father once did.
I deserve better. I deserve to receive what I desire. There is no turning back.