I write about everything that I feel. Rarely anything is off limits, not even the love that I have for the man that I adore – the love of my life – nor the pain that I feel when hurt, rejected, abandoned. But one thing I thought that I’d never want to write about is my babies.
Don’t hold your breath, I’m not preggers.
So why bring this up? Because I’ve been thinking about babies. It isn’t the first time I’ve mentioned my biological clock ticking or the sound of my ovaries screaming, BABIES!!! We’ve covered this before. However, I’ve never wondered aloud and in writing: could I be happy as a woman, as a person on this earth, without having children?
I’ve been thinking about this because right now life is good. Boo and I are growing even closer; the intimacy between us is real and tender and honest and vulnerable. I trust him and believe in us. I’ve never felt this way before. I’ve been in love but love and passion can be fleeting. What I am experiencing now is that “in love” feeling in a partnership with a man who wants to build a life with me. That includes having BABIES!!!
Still, I wonder, what if:
What if I cannot have any children?
What’s if my egg count is plummeting?
What if my Nigerian gynecologist is right and I should “have a baby now!!!” even though test results show that my ovaries have follicles and my uterus is of healthy size?
What would I do if I could not have children? Would I adopt? Would I feel unfulfilled? Would a life with a career and a man that I love be enough?
We aren’t supposed to ask these questions. Women aren’t supposed to think about a life without motherhood. We are raised to think, feel, be…”mothers.” If we aren’t mothers, we must hate children, cannot conceive, or be cold-hearted bitches who are as warm and nurturing as a Venus Flytrap. Still, I wonder, what if:
What if Boo and I are enough for each other?
What if not having babies allows us to live a life where we can truly live for us?
What if I choose to make my man and my career a priority, the person and thing that I nurture, rather than a child?
These are some things that I ponder as a woman and as an entrepreneur. Because if and when I have a baby I know that everything will change. I will nourish and love and cater to that child like I do my man, myself, and my business. I will defend it like a momma bear because I am loyal and protective to a fault. And yes, I will sacrifice time and shed blood, sweat and tears, and even write about BABIES!!!