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Baby Talk: Man’s Worst Nightmare?

Baby Waving
Flickr: Carbonnyc.

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Baby Talk: Man’s Worst Nightmare?

Goo goo, gaa gaa! What men think of baby talk – and what it says about your relationship.

The beginning of a new relationship is an exciting moment in a woman’s life. Sometimes it’s so exciting that women forget they are grown women! An overdose of romance and lust releases an innocent child who’s desperately seeking the glorification from her strong, masculine partner. No, I am not describing a scene from that schoolgirl porno you were watching last night. I’m talking about a less erotic performance otherwise known as “baby talk” – and it’s a real problem.

I’ll admit, there’s a great chance I’ve unknowingly participated in baby talk at one point or another. I considered reaching out to my exes in hopes of finding clarification, but then I remembered they all loathe me and would have a lot more to complain about than just my voice. I exnayed that game plan and decided to reach out to male friends for a less biased opinion, and I got a real honest perspective on the female baby-talk phenomenon.

PLUS: Men Share Real Reasons Why They Don’t Want to Have Sex

The general consensus is that men absolutely despise when their girlfriends, or any girl, talks in a baby voice. These group of men unanimously stated that it is:

Not sexy. Not cute. Annoying. Creepy. And that those women who use baby talk are like an “idiot child.”

While I believe that these men are thoroughly disgusted by baby talk, I don’t necessarily believe it would be a deal breaker for them.

There was one guy in the group who actually took the time to elaborate on the idea rather than throw out the first hideous word that came to mind. He described baby talk as a stage in the relationship that confirms a new level of intimacy has been reached, therefore created a new style of affection.  In a way, it’s sort of a testament that his girlfriend is comfortable expressing her affection in a natural, endearing manner that just so happens to sound like Daffy Duck. Something that might be considered annoying and weird just might mean you’ve reached a communal understanding that love comes in a variety of voices. Who’s to say Daffy can’t have love to?

After further thinking I began to wonder how baby talk is any different than the cheesy nicknames we call our significant others.  No one bats an eye when you hear couples call each other babe, baby, honey, sweetheart or boo. How is this any different than the high-pitched, prepubescent whine from your girlfriend? If you think about it, we’re naturally inclined to talk to babies with a sweet childlike voice in order to play into their innocence. Babies are lovable, soft and pure and deserve to be approached with a safe and gentle tone. Similar to babies, the beginning of every relationship is romantic, exciting, fresh and pure, which brings out our natural instincts to approach it like a sweet and innocent child you’re afraid to tarnish. We’re savoring the innocence of our new-found love in the most natural state we understand – baby talk.

MORE: Why Men Choose Ms. Good for Nada & Not Ms. Good Woman

So, your boyfriend might cringe over your high-pitched, annoying “idiot child” voice, but at the same time, he knows you love him. No one in their right mind would go to such humiliating lengths for an everyday fuckboy. Goo goo, gaa gaa in pride, sister!

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Melissa is a writer from Long Beach, California who aims to bring out the humor and horror in modern-day dating. She believes there's no sugar-coating romance, and her writing brings out the raw reality of the millennial fight for normalcy in a virtual hook-up generation. When not poking fun at her numerous dating misfortunes, Melissa is often playing volleyball, attending concerts and cooking fantastic meals.


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