George was my first official boyfriend. I was 25 when we met and 26 when it was o-v-e-r: OVER! Our relationship was filled with nights of drinking and dancing, including sweating to the oldies between the sheets. It was a purely sexual relationship. Nothing in common other than being social, Latino butterflies. Sure, we had fun. But fun does not a lasting relationship make.
My next boyfriend was Elijah: my Colombian-Puerto Rican, South Jerseyite. Elijah was only 21. There in lied the problem. His ex-girlfriend was also a twitch that not even the strongest Colombian cafecito could subdue.
Last but not least (okay, maybe he is the least important) is Johnny. Puerto Rican-Italian, baby momma (2 to be exact) having, former Cancer patient Johnny. I’m still wondering what was real in the relationship. I definitely felt I was bamboozled. Eventually, I was thrilled I wasn’t his third potential baby momma and to have found closure.
Here are my tweets for the nostalgia inducing Twitter trending topic, #thatswhyyourmyex. Kudos for you, Pepitas, if you can match the tweet with the ex!
- You dont read. #thatswhyyourmyex
- You dont support my writing or my creativity. #thatswhyyourmyex
- I always pictured u with a leopard tanga, u freaky boy! #thatswhyyourmyex
- U wanted me to cook u mangu everyday. #thatswhyyourmyex
- U poked my pepa like it was a hole in the wall. #thatswhyyourmyex
- U poked my pepa like it was a hole in the wall and blamed me for not having orgasms. #thatswhyyourmyex
- U invited ur parents to ur birthday party. At a club. #thatswhyyourmyex
- Ur feet smelled like somebody died. #thatswhyyourmyex
- U would eat food w/o washing ur hands then lick ur fingers and want to put ur fingers inside my squeaky clean pepa™. #thatswhyyourmyex
- U never made me feel comfortable and so I felt I had to be perfect. #thatswhyyourmyex
- U never knew me. #thatswhyyourmyex
- I love myself too much. #thatswhyyourmyex
Phew! Those last ones got a bit deep, Pepitas! As they say, introspection comes with age and experience. I do not regret any of my past relationships; they have led me to where and who I am today. Who is that exactly? A positive, sharp, reflective woman who is in love with her pepa™. As long as my love for myself remains intact, I know I will be just fine.
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