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Threesomes: Just for Singles or Are Couples Into It?

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Relationships

Threesomes: Just for Singles or Are Couples Into It?

Is it impossible for a man to have a threesome with a girl he loves?

I’ve spent the majority of my life believing that every man’s fantasy is to have a threesome with two girls. When my long-term relationships lost that sexual spark, I thought this would be the perfect solution. So, like the amazing girlfriend I am, I offered a threesome to two of my long-term boyfriends. Both declined for the same reason: they feared the addition of a second girl would take away my focus and that she’d please me better than they ever have or could. They couldn’t get passed the thought of me with another woman.

What selfish morons! They were willing to give up a free pass at a hot new chick in order to keep me trapped in a sexless and boring relationship. Could we not enjoy her together?

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It got me to thinking: is it impossible for a man to have a threesome with a girl he loves? Are threesomes a fantasy only single men enjoy and pursue? Do other coupled up men have this same perspective when it comes to adding a third party to the bedroom? I reached out to single women and men, as well as couples, in hopes of finding clarification. Here are some of their responses.

“I had a threesome with my best friend and a guy I was hooking up with for a couple months. I really enjoyed his company but it was never anything too serious. I think if I actually cared about someone a lot, I wouldn’t want to have one with them.”

“I’ve been the outside girl coming into a threesome with a couple. The tone was all about her and exciting her and it was awesome. The couple loved each other so much and I was not a threat. I think it really comes down to how secure you are in your relationship.”

“It really depends on the girlfriend. If I trusted her, I could do it with her and another girl. And if we really trusted each other, maybe even another guy. It’s definitely easier as a single [person] but not impossible with a relationship”

“Definitely singles only! I would get really pissed if anyone touched my boyfriend.”

“It depends on my girlfriend and how open she was with it, and if there were rules and such. For me? Not a problem. I could even push further than that!”

“My boyfriend was not down and I would never be down. We wouldn’t want to see each other with other people. I could never, so many hands!”

“My girlfriend and I are in an open relationship. There are boundaries and rules, but as long as you are open and honest you can do whatever you want. The second you close off it becomes cheating. It works for us but I suppose some people are just naturally born jealous.”

It appears that the common denominator is trust and security. Threesomes are appealing to singles because they feel comfortable and secure to explore others sexually without any commitment or emotional attachment. Similarly, the couples who do enjoy threesomes pride themselves on the immense level of trust, communication and honesty they share within their partnership.

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The couples who weren’t interested in threesomes were turned off due to issues of jealousy, insecurity, and an emotional bond. I’m assuming that this is exactly how both of my boyfriends felt the minute I proposed the idea. I’m sure that most people feel that emotions correlate to commitment, and commitment correlates to monogamy. Personally, I believe that humans are not meant to be monogamous and maybe it’s important to loosen the reins when you catch the relationship slipping out of your hands. Although I was in loving, emotional and monogamous commitments, I was also willing to reach outside the box in hopes of saving my relationships.

Melissa is a writer from Long Beach, California who aims to bring out the humor and horror in modern-day dating. She believes there's no sugar-coating romance, and her writing brings out the raw reality of the millennial fight for normalcy in a virtual hook-up generation. When not poking fun at her numerous dating misfortunes, Melissa is often playing volleyball, attending concerts and cooking fantastic meals.

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