It’s been a few weeks since you began dating that cute guy you met at the bar (the one with the great smile you notice everyone checks out) and things are going great. You can’t get enough of each other and are in that stage in a relationship where you text on a daily basis, hang out a few nights a week and the physical connection has progressed. One normal, drama-free day later and BOOM! You get that text we all dread when we really like someone.
“You are such an awesome girl and it’s been cool hanging out but I’m just not in a relationship stage right now. I don’t want you to think it’s anything you did, it’s me…..”
Not in a relationship stage? What in the hell was last night? Maybe you should have mentioned that the night I met you and your two, hot available friends. They probably weren’t commitment phobic freaks!
This situation has happened more times than I can count. I will be seeing a guy for a few weeks, think everything is going great, and out of nowhere the credits are rolling and the love story I’ve been narrating in my head is over. The last time it happened the guy wanted a groupie for his band. I wanted someone that I could hang out with without having to buy a ticket to his show. That was his version of “quality time.” Besides, he wore more make up than I did. Unless you are dating the artist formerly known as Prince, you should not be sharing eyeliner with your boyfriend.
What’s worse than being dumped all of a sudden? How he moves on in a split second. Don’t you wish you could do the same? Forget that someone you’ve been spending every day with exists just like that? Instead, you go through crazy withdrawal. You realize your world isn’t as entertaining if your handsome crush isn’t texting you. You wait and wait and wait with your phone on your pillow, attempting to go to bed early yet you check your cell phone nonstop. Ring Ring! Suddenly, your mood improves. You think, oh m God, I knew he would miss me! I knew he would come to his senses! But it’s that friend you have no interest is hearing from at all. You actually get pissed at your friend, like she purposely tricked you into thinking it was him. You hang up, begin listening to sad 90’s songs, and Mariah Carey’s “Against All Odds” gives you the sniffles. What stable adult cries listening to Mariah Carey?!
So, what can you do? Really, WTF?! Here are some tips to get you through that abrupt breakup:
Remember that this abrupt breakup is really not about you. It really is him. There could be a million reasons why he decided that this wasn’t right for him. But the decision was his to make. He may have met someone else, or he may not be into you.
Stay active. Sitting by your phone, curled up watching Lifetime movies, and eating ice cream won’t make you feel any better. It will not make him text you and it certainly will not make you more attractive. You need to stay active during this time.
Do something for you. This is what worked for me. First, I bought a new outfit. You don’t need to spend a lot of money just buy something to add to your wardrobe. Second, I got a manicure, eyebrows waxed and, of course, had my eyelashes done too. It was all about me!
Go silent. If you are still constantly checking your phone for his text, turn it to silent a few times a day. Do this off and on until you’re thinking about him (and his texts and calls) less and less.
Stop listening to sad songs. You have a one day limit with the sad songs. Instead, drive down the block listening to Destiny’s Child’s “Survivor.” That’s right, sing it Beyonce. Even if you were dating him for a few weeks, let it all out. Your mood will improve soon enough.
Avoid posting sad quotes on social media. No one wants to read a post from Debbie Downer. Plus, when you meet someone new and add him on Facebook, do you really want him to see a slew of woe-is-me quotes? Exactly.
Talk to that rational friend – a lot. You know, the one who is kind of a dick but is usually right. The one who looks at your relationships like an Excel spreadsheet. For me, that’s my brother. Although he totally lacks empathy, his candor borders on cruel and I sometimes regret asking for his advice, he gives me tough love. Your no-nonsense friend puts things in perspective and ruthlessly pick out the flaws of your ex guy. And mocks him. You’ll feel so much better.