When Stephen and I argued I’d run to my single girlfriends for relationship advice. And I was armed with 1,000+ screenshots of conversations and explicit descriptions of our issues. My girlfriends defended the hell out of me. At times, they’d become angrier than I was.
Eventually, Stephen found out that I was venting to my girls – and boy, was he pissed off! He went on a rant about how problematic it is to tell people our business and how asking for relationship advice from outsiders (yes, even friends) would be detrimental to our relationship.
I, of course, ignored him. He’s crazy! He just doesn’t want to look bad! My friends always have my back! I rationalized. I kept telling my girls the deal, but eventually, I noticed that the more I complained, the more my friends turned against Stephen. They began to voice their opinions when I didn’t even ask for it, as if they were the ones in the relationship. Oh! They were all single!
It was then that I realized I was giving my girls too much insight into my relationship. I started to see it from Stephen’s perspective. If he told his boys the tea every single time we had issues, I’d be furious. And when my girlfriends said anything negative about Stephen while they were giving me relationship advice, I’d stop them dead in their tracks. Thing is it was all my fault. They were only commenting on the details and information I gave them access to. Which was everything at the time. I had enough of it. I realized that telling others about your relationship problems only starts unnecessary drama. I wasn’t interested in bad mouthing my man, I just wanted advice, not to put him down.
Never did I think of actually speaking to Stephen about the things that bothered me.
When I did and stopped telling outsiders about our problems our relationship changed for the better. We grew even closer as we communicated our feelings and concerns, and mutually explored ways to resolve our issues.
As for my girlfriends, they felt they were being left out. They’d randomly ask, “How’s everything with you guys?” I’d say we were fine. In their eyes I could see that they wanted the dirt. Which made me wonder if they had my best interest at heart or if they just enjoyed the drama since they were single. Misery does like company. So this girl is keeping her sometimes miserable relationship tea to herself.