We’ve all seen women settle. I grew up with said woman. Mami loved my father. But after the cheating, lying and violence you’d thing she’d leave. She didn’t. Their on-again/off-again relationship remained intact for over ten years.
When I asked her why she stayed with a man who didn’t deserve her, she mentioned her children. “I stayed for you, your sister and brother.” Not for her happiness. Not for her well being. But for her children.
This is a form of settling.
But settling isn’t always about maintaining a family. Some women settle because of el que diran. We stick it through with a man we do not love, or who doesn’t love us because people will talk. Well, I say fudge what people say! They aren’t living your life. And you only have one to live. Why not live it happily and on your terms?
There are also those women who settle for men who are “good on paper.” He has a nice house. He treats me well. He drives a nice car. He has good credit! But you aren’t in love. The man you sleep with doesn’t entice you. There is no spark, no chemistry, no nada. That is also a form of settling.
I should know. I almost settled myself. My ex (Paco) and I didn’t have that zaa zaa zoo, as Carrie once said in Sex and the City. We didn’t click in a romantic or sexual way. Friends first, which was amazing because we build a foundation, but it never transcended into a full-on, passionate, loving love affair. He was good on paper. I was good on paper. And so we stayed together for almost a year.
I was settling because I was scared to start over, to be single at 35. Are you settling? Here are some signs that you may be settling in your relationship:
1. He’s never made your heart flutter. If the man you are with has never stirred you (or your loins) you may be settling. And that’s no fun. A relationship can’t and won’t be successful if there is no love. Or you don’t want to jump his bones.
2. You are afraid to leave because you’re used to each other. La India sings a great salsa song that says, “La costumbre es mas fuerte que el amor.” Translation: a comfortable routine is stronger than love. Every relationship has a routine. But the routine shouldn’t be what keeps you there.
3. You stay because he takes care of you. I’m looking at you Teresa from the Real Housewives of NJ! She didn’t know the financial mess her husband put them in (allegedly) because she allowed him to take care of her and her family. When this is the case it is difficult for a woman to leave the relationship even if they should. Some women even marry man just for their money. You may have a luxurious lifestyle but in your heart and soul you’ve settled.
4. You’ve giving up on Mr. Right. Instead you’ve settled for Mr. Right Now. This may be one of the top reasons why women settle for men who are good on paper. They’ve lost hope. But you know what’s worse? Ending up in a loveless marriage because you didn’t wait for timing to take hold. Your soulmate could’ve been right around the corner.
And I refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.
Photo Credit: Flickr Creative Commons.