I struggle with self-worth and have been very candid about it, particularly in my book, Love Trips. I am only human. I am constantly growing. I realize that though I am not quite healed yet I am getting there inch by inch.
Still, I have some work to do as I do not always value myself as I should. I place too much stock on failed relationships, rejection and irreciprocal love. I make choices that aren’t always what’s best. I am not always fully aware of my value, which loved ones assure me is worth billions. To friends and family, my value is limitless. Infinite. Yet I find myself contemplating it, questioning how much I am really worth. I even put myself second; so much for being self-first.
But something happened recently that has given me faith.
I said no to an opportunity that would compromise my ethics, belief system and my message – one that I so passionately and honestly share with all of you.
It wasn’t an immediate response. Instinctively I don’t always lead with a highest sense of self. This time wasn’t any different. My reaction was to jump in head first. Some of it is impulse but most of it was a need to have this big professional break, and even a partner in life. So I said yes. Days later, when in my space, my heart and my head, I reflected:
Why am I doing this? Do I not think I am worth more? Do I believe that this is the only way that I can succeed in the spotlight and find love?
That was my epiphany. So I still have work to do. I still struggle with a feeling of worthlesness and a lack of self-love. I am still working on being self-first every step of the way and in every aspect of my life. This decision was the first step. Turning something down that could change my life, for better or worse, but would compromise everything that I have worked for, including my value and belief system, is a clear indication that thought I am not perfect, I am growing. I am learning and loving myself more a little more inch by inch.
Photo Credit: Sujeiry Gonzalez.