In my last relationship, I couldn’t wait to change my relationship status from “single” to “in a relationship” on Facebook. It’s the first thing I thought about when Luke asked me to be his “girl.” It didn’t matter that we weren’t compatible, or that I was seven years his senior. Or that he had a daughter. Or that he was really short. I wanted the world to know that I was off the market!
Unfortunately, my “relationship status” high was knocked down by Luke himself when he indicated he kept his personal life private. I could change my status to “in a relationship,” but I couldn’t tag him as my boyfriend. He wasn’t even my “friend” on Facebook.
Now, I realize that it’s better to keep my private life, well, private. I want to protect my relationship, instead of shouting it out over Facebook. Why does Mark Zuckerberg have to know what’s happening in my love life? Why does Mark Zuckerberg want us to publicize our relationships with our boyfriends, husbands, and lovers (hopefully, they are one in the same)? That’s exactly what he’s doing with Facebook’s new ‘couples pages.’ That’s right, a couple’s profile. Gag me with a spoon!
But wait, here’s where it gets invasive. If you’re in a relationship on Facebook, a couples page is now automatically created for you. I repeat. YOU HAVE NO CHOICE! Facebook does not send you an email or notification. Not even a poke (what’s the deal with the poking on Facebook, anyway?). They have created a page for any couples who are listed as such.
Here’s how you access your profile, even though you didn’t ask for it. Sign in and visit www.facebook.com/us. That’s it! There’s your entire relationship, digitally archived. In your new ‘couples profile,’ you will see:
- Status updates where you mentioned your SO.
- Collection of photos where you are jointly tagged.
- List of mutual friends.
- Events you’ve both been invited to.
- Common “likes,” ie. pages.
Maybe Luke was on the right track after all. Maybe he was protecting our luuurve. For a while, I thought he didn’t want to claim me because it would ruin his chances with the Dominicans who trolled his Facebook profile.
If I saw one more “Ay Papi…”
Or maybe that’s what it was. Luke wasn’t that bright. He couldn’t know what Mark Zuckerberg had under his sleeve, could he? Could he?! No. “Ay Papi” was just a Papi Chulo who wanted to play.
Thank God that our relationship can’t be archived on Facebook.